Until My Heartaches End
by beezeewriter
Summary: AU. HEA. No Cheating. No BDSM. She loves him. Even if he's oblivious to it. Even if he's in love with somebody else. Even if what he can only offer her is friendship. She loves him. Ana loves Christian.
1. Chapter 1

_She loves him. Even if he's oblivious to it. Even if he's in love with somebody else. Even if what he can only offer her is friendship. She loves him. Ana loves Christian._

* * *

Ana raised her hand and knocked.

"It's open." She heard him say from the other side of the door.

Twisting the knob to open, she gave the door a gentle push and peeked inside.

There he was— sitting in his chair with grey eyes intensely perusing the document in his hands and mouth pressed into a thin line. Too concentrated in his work, he never bothered to look up and check who just entered.

Sadness crept up in her seeing him that way. Too serious. More reserved than before. Killing himself with work. It had only been six weeks but he had changed a lot since then. Studying him, Ana wished things didn't turn out the way they did.

Sensing he would never notice her presence if she remained silent, she cleared her throat, making him shift his attention and spot her. The crease on his forehead disappeared in an instant.

Christian smiled. "Hey,"

It wasn't his usual bright beam but Ana's heart still skipped a beat being the recipient of it.

"May I come in?" She asked despite knowing she was always welcome in his office.

"Me saying 'no' to you before hadn't stopped you, what makes you think it's different now?" He teased.

For a moment, she saw the old him came out and it made her hopeful that one day, everything would be alright for him.

"I haven't seen you in a while. I thought maybe the rules have changed." She didn't mean to upbraid him and felt ashamed just as soon as she uttered the last word.

Christian had his reasons for doing what he believed would make him feel better and she understood him. But that didn't mean she wasn't hurt by his decision to sulk all on his own than let her be there for him.

They were friends—close friends, she thought—and had been each other's shoulder to lean on over the years. Ana presumed this time would be no different but she was proven wrong when Christian opted to face what happened by himself. Ana could only watch him drown on his pain from a distance, wishing he would allow her to be there for him even if what—or rather who—he needed wasn't her and would never be her.

Guilt crossed Christian's face at her spoken words. It gave her little satisfaction to discover that he was at least aware how terrible of a friend he had been toward her.

"I'm sorry, I've been busy." He apologized.

He was her priority—always had been—so forgiving him came easily. "I understand. Things at work had been hectic, too."

Ana decided to break the ice by stepping inside. Plopping herself on one of the chairs in front of him, her eyes immediately caught the piles of papers crowding his wooden office desk. She couldn't help but frown. "It's Saturday night, Chris."

"I know, I got my calendar and clock." He answered, picking up his mobile phone and waving it at her.

"Yet you're still here."

Christian didn't reply.

"It's Kate's birthday today." She informed him.

Kate was her friend and was also Elliot—Christian's older brother's—girlfriend. Ana met Kate Kavanaugh when they were both freshmen at Washington State University-Vancouver. Somehow, their polar opposite attitudes clicked and they had been friends in an instant. During one of Elliot's visits to her, Ana introduced him to Kate. To her surprise, the two ended up dating and had been together ever since.

"I remembered and already sent her a gift."

"We'll all be at Mancini's for dinner then we'll head out to Purple Emporium for drinks after." She continued, pretending she didn't hear him.

Elliot had booked a private room to celebrate his girlfriend's birthday at Mancini's— Kate's favorite Italian restaurant— then planned on continuing the night at Purple Emporium— one of Seattle's popular bars.

Christian shook his head, catching on the reason why she was there. "I can't."

"Why not?"

"I got work to do."

"Then do it on Monday. It's not like your boss gonna fire you." She retorted, sarcasm laced her tone.

Christian Trevelyan Grey was the CEO of Grey Enterprises Holdings, Inc.—a company he proudly built himself right after earning his management degree from Harvard and made successful over the years. Being a constant presence in his life, Ana had witnessed the GEH's growth since its formulation and she got nothing but respect toward his friend and his work attitude. Christian was a known workaholic, spending most of his hours in his office or wherever he was making deals for GEH. But lately, he'd been working more than his usual, making the people around him worried for him.

"Why couldn't they send Jose instead? Or even Elliot? My life would be a lot easier talking to them than to you."

"The guys know only my charming self can make you hoist yourself up from that expensive leather chair of yours." She answered with confidence, not in any way offended by his words.

Ever since they met, Christian and Ana had been trading banters. It happened a long time ago that she couldn't remember who started teasing who. Those who didn't know the two would initially think they were enemies from the way they taunted each other mercilessly but Christian considered Ana his closest friend. He admitted it to her once.

For Ana—who was an only child, being a couple of years older than her, Christian was like the big brother she never had. Or so she thought. Because the platonic friendship she at first felt toward him had morphed into something more. Something she tried to dismiss but failed. Something they called love.

"You got the shortest stick, didn't you?" He guessed, breaking her out of her musing.

Feigning a defeated look, Ana sighed. "Yeah, it isn't like I wanted to see you, Mr. Grumpy."

The truth was, it was Mia, Christian's younger sister, who got the shortest stick but Ana volunteered to pick Christian up from his office, having not seen him for the past couple of weeks. Thinking that even if she didn't get to make him join them in Kate's celebration, she could use the chance to check on him personally. Calling and texting Taylor, Christian's driver-bodyguard, to ask about her friend almost everyday wasn't as gratifying as seeing him in the flesh. But it wasn't something Ana would ever admit to him.

"I wasn't aware I'm one of Snow White's dwarfs now. Since when?"

Ana smirked. "Oh, I've collected plenty of nicknames for you over the years and Mr. Grumpy's the kindest I have."

"I missed you, Annie." He said all of a sudden, calling her by her childhood nickname.

Dumbfounded, she turned speechless. Her mind was telling her to make a snappy reply, one that would hide how her heart started beating frantically at his words. Ana missed him, too. She was sure Christian missing her wasn't the same way she did but the stupid organ in her chest didn't know that.

He was eyeing her, clearly waiting for her another wise response. Ana faked a cough, taking the time to think fast but all she could muster was a stammering "I-I missed you, too."

And then Christian laughed. It was boisterous and echoed through the entire spacious room.

The sound was like music to her ears. It had been a while since the last time she heard him do that. After everything that went down between him and Olivia, hearing his laughter was a rarity Ana wanted to revel in.

"What is it?" She asked, baffled.

Shaking his head, Christian tried to compose himself. "Nothing."

He stood up, collected his things and went for the exit while she remained sitting, her gaze following him.

Stopping before the door, he looked back at her over his shoulder. "Aren't we suppose to go?"

"Where?"

"To Kate's celebration. I thought you're here to make sure I'll come."

Ana rose up and went beside him hastily. "You're joining us?"

He shrugged. "I can't think of anything better to do."

She rolled her eyes. "You sure are full of yourself, Mr. High and Mighty."

"You love me anyway." He said, giving her a wink before stepping out of his office.

_I do and you have no idea, Mr. Clueless. _Ana uttered to herself right before following her friend.

* * *

From her seat, Ana watched as Elliot dropped down on the floor on one knee and took a small black velvet box out from his pocket. He opened it and removed a beautiful diamond ring from the inside and with trembling hand, gently held Kate's.

"At a certain point," he started, looking nervous. "The idea of spending the rest of my life with one person seemed unimaginable. And then I met you. And I fell head over heels in love. I fell in love with your beauty, your grace, your wisdom. For everything that you are. Now, the only thing I can't imagine is being without you. So...marry me? Please?"

Ana looked at her blonde friend. Kate was sitting frozen in her chair, eyes as wide as saucers, mouth agape. Then her eyes turned watery, the brightest smile spread across her lips. "Yes! Yes!" Her friend answered.

Grinning from ear to ear, Elliot put on the ring on Kate's finger, stood up and pulled her into an embrace. A long kiss was shared between the newly engaged couple as the people around them cheered. Happiness was evident on both of their faces when they parted.

Ana's gaze darted toward Christian—who was standing beside his brother, smiling and clapping. He'd been acting like the old him since their arrival at Mancini's but it was all that it was—an act. She didn't know how but she could easily read him. One look and Ana could tell if what he was showing was real or just a pretense.

Right now, he was pretending. Christian was making everyone believe he was alright but he wasn't. Why would he be? Six weeks ago, the love of his life broke up with him, left the house they were living in together and moved to another country. All for another man.

Olivia Holloway was the love of Christian's life. Standing at 5 feet 9 inches with golden blonde hair, pale blue eyes and an envy-worthy figure, she was perfect to his 6 feet stature, dark copper-colored tress, smoldering grey eyes and slim yet muscular body. Add that to the fact that they were childhood sweethearts.

Living next door to each other for years, the Grey's and the Holloway's were good friends. Ana was pretty sure both families had been confident that Christian and Olivia would end up married to each other. Even Ana would admit, witnessing the two together, no one could look more ideal couple than them.

But Olivia met a man named Gary while on trip in England and broke her 11-year relationship with Christian immediately after her return. She then moved out of the house she was sharing with him, quit her job and left Seattle to live abroad and be with her new man. Last Ana heard was the blonde woman was settling in nicely in her new life. While Olivia was happy, Christian was left broken-hearted.

"I wish he sees you." Mia suddenly spoke beside her.

When Ana turned, she saw her friend looking at her with a rueful smile. "What are you talking about?"

Mia's eyes shifted to Christian. "Don't get me wrong, I love Olivia. She's a friend. But she's not the one for Chris. She never was. My brother failed to see that and got his heart broken. I hope when he's ready to love again, he finally sees you." She then turned to her. "Not only as friend who has been there for him all this time but as a woman who can love him like no other."

_'Love?' _Ana's face paled. '_Does she know?'_

For years, she hid her feelings for Christian, afraid of the risk of losing him had he found out about it. It was difficult and painful— watching him made his dreams come true with someone else. Someone who wasn't her.

But Ana endured it all. Why? Because just the thought of living a life without him even if she was only a friend was more agonizing than having to see him with Olivia. Almost more agonizing.

From the sidelines, she bore witness to their relationship, careful not to overstep any boundary that would make either of them think of her differently. Ana knew who she was and what her role in their lives was.

She was their friend—someone they grew up with. That was all she was and had long ago accepted that fact.

But that didn't mean that Ana's chest never tightened whenever she saw Christian and Olivia together. Nor she didn't cry when the two decided to buy a house and move in together.

Amidst her silent sufferings and longing, Ana tucked her feelings for him away and made sure nobody knew of it. It was her deepest secret—one she was willing to bring to her grave.

Staring in panic at Mia, she started doubting how well she had it hidden.

"Hey," Her friend lightly touched her arm to appease her. "It's alright."

Ana shook her head. It wasn't alright. "H-How?"

"They were all in your eyes—the love, agony, longing. You look at him with so much of those emotions everytime that I couldn't help but hate him a little for what he's unknowingly been doing to you."

_'Have I been transparent?' _Ana asked herself.

"Don't worry, I never told anyone about it."

Ana released the breath she didn't realize she was holding. "It's nothing. I'm sure it'll disappear soon."

That was a lie.

She was 14 when she first recognized her attraction to the then 16 year old Christian. Who could blame her? Most of the girls in their school were interested in him. Even as a teenager, he was handsome. But apart from his physical look, Christian was intelligent and good with sports. His closed-off demeanor only added to his appeal.

Ana tried to quash her little crush on him, aware how awkward it would be if he learned about it. They grew up together and were friends. Christian wouldn't appreciate her admiring him, she thought. She was also sure it was anything but serious and only her teenage hormones talking.

But over time, what she believed to be a simple infatuation didn't cease. In fact, it became stronger and had developed into something far more intense. Her admiration had turned into love and she was helpless to stop it. It was then that Ana realized she was doomed, for Christian would never feel the same way for her. He had eyes and heart only for one woman. And _she _wasn't her.

Ana loved him. Even if he was oblivious to it. Even if he was in love with someone else. Even if what he could only offer her was friendship. She loved Christian.

"Is that what you've been telling yourself all these years?" Mia asked, one brow raised.

"No." She sighed. "But it isn't like I like how I feel about him. I don't. As a matter of fact, I hate it. I hate that I'm in love with someone who'll never love me back."

"Ana—"

"Ladies, let's go congratulate Kate." Jose approached them, clueless as to what was going on.

Ana was grateful for the interruption. Used to burying her feelings, she felt uneasy discussing them now. She took the chance and strode toward Kate and Elliot, all the while feeling the weight of Mia's eyes on her. She knew they weren't done talking but tonight wasn't about her so her friend had to wait for a while.

* * *

As planned, they continued their celebration at Purple Emporium with late night drinking and dancing. Christian joined them much to her surprise. His presence was highly appreciated by those who missed him—Ana included.

"I'm happy you're here, Chris." Kate stated, her half drunk body was leaning against her fiancé.

Sitting and enjoying their alcohol in one of the bar's private rooms, Elliot, Kate, Mia, Jose, Christian and Ana were happily chatting.

He smiled, raised his bottle and took a swig. "I'm glad I didn't miss this night."

Elliot beamed. "I knew Ana could do it."

Already feeling tipsy, Ana didn't catch on what they were talking about and replied defensively. "Whatever it is, I didn't do it."

Christian eyed her beer bottle then smirked. "Someone's getting clearly drunk."

"Please." She rolled her eyes. "I can handle my alcohol just fine. Thank you very much."

"Your slurring of words is telling us otherwise."

Ana was confident she didn't slur. Or did she?

She was only on her third bottle. Or was it her fourth?

She hated to admit but probably Christian was right—she was obviously getting drunk. She couldn't recall how much beer she had already consumed.

Never fond of drinking, Ana always made sure to only drain what she could control. But tonight had been different. Her short talk with Mia left her agitated and she heedlessly sought comfort in beer.

"Says the man whose face is already as red as a beet." She shot back, mentally praising herself for not stuttering.

"I would love to show you to a mirror, Annie. You're looking red yourself."

"I. Am. Alright."

"You aren't when you said ALSHRIGHSHT instead of alright."

"You are incorrigible!"

"It's incorrigible, not SHINCORRISHGIBLESH."

"Ahhh!" She yelled in frustration.

Ana heard the suppressed laughters of their audience. No longer surprised at their jesting, the four people simply watched them. A part of her was happy that Christian seemed to be doing fine even if it was only for tonight. Who knew, maybe after this night, things would be different.

* * *

"Come on," She grunted, feeling Christian's weight as he leaned his side against her. "One more step, Chris."

He heard her and lifted one unsteady foot, finally bringing his body to the second floor of his Escala residence. Christian owned the building and recently occupied the penthouse when he vacated the house he once shared with Olivia.

It was almost two in the morning and Kate's birthday-party-turned-engagement-party just ended. Filled with joy and overflowing drinks, the night turned out to be a success with each of them was as intoxicated as the other.

But a small portion of Ana's drunkenness disappeared when she decided she would take care of Christian and his inebriated ass since he made Taylor retired for the evening once the older man brought them to Mancini's hours ago.

Although feeling dizzy, she hailed a cab and gave Escala's address to the driver. She resolved to help Christian to his bed then would take a taxi to bring her home after. It was a good thing she opted to leave Wanda—her old VW Beetle—at her apartment because she was in no capacity to drive.

Ten minutes later, the cab dropped them off at Escala and with the help of the doorman, Ana was able to half drag Christian to the elevator. They went straight to the stairs and slowly took one wavering foot after another until they landed at the top.

"Thank God." She murmured when she reached outside Christian's bedroom and found the door unlocked. Ana didn't notice any keys in his possession and didn't want to disturb Gail, Christian's housekeeper, who she was sure was in deep sleep with her husband, Taylor, in their bedroom downstairs.

As soon as they were inside, Christian stepped away from her and sloppily strode toward the whiskey bottle and empty glass sitting on top of a chest drawer. Ana watched as he poured himself a glassful of alcohol and emptied it in no time.

"Chris,"

"She got married today." His voice was slurry when he spoke. "She emailed me to inform me."

Ana knew who he was talking about even without hearing her name. She had no idea Olivia married Gary today. Since the woman left Seattle, Ana lost communication with her. It was only through Grace, Christian's mother, who was good friends with Olivia's mother, did Ana learn that Olivia was living happily in England.

"I'm sorry." She said. She really was. Christian didn't deserve the pain the woman caused.

He shrugged. "At least she had the decency to let me know about it."

"Still,"

He glanced at her. "Want some?" He asked, offering her his empty glass.

Ana shook her head and winced. Her action made her more dizzy. "No, I think I've reached my alcohol quota for the day or for the year."

"Your choice." He said. This time, he drunk unceremoniously from the bottle.

Even with the alcohol in her own system, Ana was aware she should stop him from more drinking. "I think you've had enough."

Ana was met with silence.

"You've always been a good friend, Annie." He noted after a while, staring at her with his muddled gaze. "You're still there even if I treated you badly. Have I ever thank you for all that you do for me?"

"There's this expensive bag I really want but can't afford. That'll be a nice thank you gift."

Christian chuckled. "And you always make me laugh."

Putting the whiskey down, he headed toward her. He placed his hands over her shoulders and stared at her in wonder. "How do you do that? I mean, you know what I need when I myself have no idea what it is. You know me better than anyone, even better than I know myself."

"I— " Her words were cut off by the feel of Christian's lips pressed on hers. Shocked, Ana stood frozen.

Christian's one hand snaked around her waist, pulling her closer to him, while the other captured the back of her head, tilting it so he could kiss her deeper. His tongue teased her lips until Ana was powerless to stop him, closed her eyes and finally opened her mouth.

In her drunken haze, a tear fell out of her eyes, torn between finally knowing how his lips tasted and hating herself for enjoying it. Ana knew it was wrong. They were both drunk. Christian would never do what he was currently doing if he was in his right mind. But Ana was a different story. Her feelings for him was obviously clouding her judgement at the moment.

Moments later, she found herself lying naked on Christian's bed with him—also without clothes—on top of her. While his hands roamed all over her body, his lips were busy giving her bare skin nips that would sure bruise later but Ana didn't mind. Her brain was a jumbled mess with coherent thoughts only on how good everything felt with him.

When she felt his hardness poking against her entrance, Ana didn't think twice and spread her legs wider, giving him access. Christian took it as a sign and proceeded to enter her slowly. She noticed him stiffened when he reached her barrier.

He stared at her, wordlessly asking permission to continue.

Eyes tearing up from pain, she nodded. "G-Go on,"

"I'm sorry," He apologized before pushing himself deeper in her, breaking her barrier and going into a place where no else had been.

Ana let out a cry, feeling the ache of being stretched for the very first time.

Christian stopped moving to give her time to adjust to his intrusion. Only when he thought her pain had subsided a little did he move. It was gentle and slow at the beginning but soon turned quick and frenzied all the while pulling unfathomable emotions from Ana.

She was calling his name, her hands were gripping his back tightly, her hips were moving in rhythm with his.

Without pause and more faster, Christian moved on top of her.

"C-Christian," She cried as she reached her climax.

He followed shortly and with a groan, he came.

She felt his release inside her.

"Liv," Ana heard him whispered.

* * *

_To be continued..._


	2. Chapter 2

_A/N: Thank you for your reviews, follows and favorites. I appreciate them very much. With almost 5,000 words, this chapter took longer than I first anticipated. Please enjoy._

* * *

With bags of groceries in both of her hands, Ana still managed to successfully open her apartment door. She went straight to the breakfast counter and placed the items she just bought on top, heedless to the presence sitting quietly in her living room, eyes following her every move.

She was putting a carton of orange juice in the refrigerator when a voice called her.

"Annie,"

Startled, she almost jumped in her spot. She turned around and saw Christian standing a few steps from her, staring at her with a blank expression.

Placing a hand over her chest, she chided. "You scared me!"

Ana didn't bother asking him how he got inside. Christian had a copy of her keys—one he insisted on having when she first moved there with a promise that he would only use it in case of emergency. Apparently, today's situation was regarded as an emergency by him.

Christian's showing up unannounced in her apartment didn't surprise her too. After only a couple of hours of restless sleep, Ana woke up that morning to the sound of her cellphone ringing. When she saw his name flashing in the screen, she panicked and her initial response was to reject his call—which she thoughtlessly did. She even put the device on silent.

Christian was relentless, Ana was aware of that. That was one of his traits that helped him become a successful businessman. Rejecting and ignoring his calls weren't going to stop him had he wanted to contact her.

Realizing what his next move would be, she dragged herself out of the bed as fast as she could. Ana paid no mind to the terrible headache she had been suffering from since she opened her eyes nor to the soreness that coursed through her body with each movement she made as she fixed herself hurriedly. Wasting no time, she left her apartment.

With no specific destination in mind, she drove Wanda around the city until she reached her favorite place—the South Beach Trail portion of Seattle's Discovery Park. Ana spent her entire morning and early afternoon by the beach, trying to enjoy the sound of the birds chirping and the waves crashing on the shore while thinking of the future.

Avoiding him that day didn't help their situation but facing Christian with her emotions all over the place and a serious case of hang over would be a stupid thing to do. She had to have a clear mind and a collected self when they talk—which they would eventually do, she knew it.

Deeming she had been gone long enough, Ana left the park. She stopped by the grocery store to replenish her stocks before going home—a useless try to prolong the unavoidable.

Stepping inside her apartment, she had no clue that Christian was already there waiting for her.

"Where have you been?" He asked.

"At the supermarket."

"The whole day?"

Ana sighed. "I know why you're here. Let's get this over with."

For a moment, he only stared at her—a scrutinizing look on his face.

Then he spoke. "You left. I woke up and you were gone."

To her surprise, Christian sounded mad.

_'Shouldn't he feel relieved he hadn't found her lurking in his room?'_ She mused.

"I had no reason to stay." Ana replied.

"Last night—"

"Was a mistake." She interrupted him. "Last night was a mistake, Chris."

It pained her to utter those words but they were the truth. Ana didn't need him to confirm it.

Taking a step toward her, Christian glared at her angrily. "Is that how you want to call it? A mistake?"

"How else am I going to call it then?" She asked, getting confused with his reaction by the second.

"You were a virgin!" His voice was loud and enraged, like he was hardly controlling himself. "There was blood—your blood—on my sheet."

She felt her cheeks blushing. Of course she was aware she'd never had sex up until last night and waking up that morning feeling sore reminded her that she just recently did for the first time.

"Yes, Chris, I was. But it isn't like I was the last virgin in the city. Women are bound to lose their virginities at some point in their lives. Mine just happened to be last night."

Christian looked at her like she had grown two heads. "Do you hear yourself, Anastasia?"

Ana could now certify he was angry—genuinely angry. Christian rarely used her first name to call her, doing it only when he was utterly furious with her—which were seldom. They might fight like cat and dog but those quarrels were never serious.

Listening to him say her first name now had her realized things between them were getting out of proportion. She had to get hold of the situation if she wanted to prevent either of them from saying or doing something they would later regret or further damage what was left of their friendship.

"We had sex last night, Chris." Ana tried to speak as clearly as she could, wanting him to comprehend her every word. "But we were drunk. It was obvious that alcohol muddled our brains. But intoxicated or not, people have sex all the time. What makes what happened between us different? Is it because I was a virgin? Is that it? Because if that's your reason for acting this way, I have to tell you, virginities are overrated these days."

"Is that why you held on to yours for years and only lost it last night? Because you considered your virginity 'overrated'? Then tell me, Anastasia," The challenge in his voice made her unexpectedly tensed. "what makes giving it to me different? Why didn't you lose it with David? You could have given it to that moron since he'd been very eager to get into your pants if I remember correctly."

Ana didn't always make the best decisions and David Matthews was one perfect example. She dated the guy for three months while they were both in college. A fun to be with, she thought she found the right person who could make her forget her feelings for Christian.

Ana wasn't in love with David—she never was—but she tried to be the girlfriend she believed he deserved. At the beginning, he had been a perfect gentleman and treated her with utmost respect. She had been happy and hopeful, thinking that with his presence in her life and their budding relationship, her love for Christian would eventually fade.

Three months since they became official, he started demanding sex but the idea of giving her body to him didn't sit quite right with Ana and she rejected his insistence every time.

She thought he had been alright with her refusals. Unbeknownst to her, David was planning on taking what he wanted from her even without her consent. She was lucky Christian was there and spoiled David's plan.

After that, she never dared to enter another relationship again, knowing it would only be with false intention. Using David to forget the man she truly loved was a mistake and she paid for it. Ana made a vow to herself to give up her virginity only to the man she was in love with. Sadly, her heart knew only one man—Christian.

"It was different." She replied, looking away from him.

Ana could feel herself getting agitated. Christian was closing in to the truth she wanted—needed—to hide.

Grabbing her by her upper arms, Christian locked his gaze at her. "I know you, Ana. You hold tight to the things you value and your innocence was one of them. Why give it up last night?"

"I was drunk." She answered weakly.

"Don't give me that bullshit!" His grip on her tightened. "Answer me, Anastasia. Tell me."

With tears started falling from her eyes, Ana's walls crumbled. "Because I'm in love with you!" She yelled. Removing herself from his grip, she glared at him. "I couldn't give David what he wanted because he wasn't you. I was a fool to even think he could replace you. He couldn't. Nobody could. My heart only sees you. Giving my body to you was wrong in every way but this," Placing a palm over her chest, she thumped it twice. "this didn't know that because it's been beating for you all this time."

Stunned at her revelation, Christian could only stare at her.

"Do you think I chose to fall in love with you? I didn't. If I had a choice, I wouldn't pick you. Do you think I didn't try to stop myself from loving you? I tried, Chris. Many times, I tried. But I couldn't do it. I couldn't make myself not love you even though I know you will never feel the same way for me. I still fell in love with you knowing you're in love with someone else. Do you think I enjoyed seeing you with her? I didn't. It killed me every time. But then she left you and I have to watch you douse in misery. I almost beg her to go back to you. Why? Because your happiness is more important to me than my own. And Olivia...She's the only person who can give that to you. You love her, have always been in love with her and what happened between us last night only proved that you will always love her."

When confusion passed over Christian's face, even with tears in her eyes, Ana smiled bitterly. "You don't remember."

"What did I do?" He asked, his brows scrunched together in question.

"Liv." Ana was trying to hold herself together but the constant tears flowing down her face were telling her she was losing it. "Liv—that was the name you whispered when you came inside me. You called Olivia's name while inside me, Christian."

* * *

_"Liv,"_

_One word. One word and Ana's heart shattered. One word and she was brought back to reality with the truth slapping her._

_She held back her sobs, grateful that Christian had already removed himself from her and was now lying asleep beside her, unaware to her breakdown. Placing one trembling hand over her mouth, she attempted to stifle her cries. Her body shook and Ana forced herself to calm down. Christian awake was the last thing she needed at the moment._

_When she was confident she was composed enough, she slowly maneuvered her body and roused from the bed, careful not to disturb the man slumbering peacefully on the other side. With only the moonlight pouring through the floor to ceiling windows providing illumination, Ana searched for her clothing and found them scattered on the carpeted ground along with her shoes and bag. She bent down and picked her undergarments and dress, feeling the heat on her cheeks when she found out her panties were torn. In her alcohol-induced mind, she couldn't recall exactly how and when Christian ripped them. Details of what just transpired were a shamble in her brain. _

_As quietly and quickly as she could, she slipped on her bra and dress before putting on her heels and grabbing her clutch. Her now-useless lingerie were thrown in the bag. Giving one last glance at the sleeping form in the bed, Ana exited the room._

* * *

_She held onto the stair handrail tightly as she descended, letting it guide her in the dark. Ignoring the grogginess she was enduring and the weakening of her knees, she hastened her steps. Ana needed to get out of there, scared that Christian would wake up and find her. Once she reached the bottom of the stairs, she rushed toward the elevator and immediately pressed its down button. She began fidgeting as she waited for the lift to arrive, her anxiousness growing._

_"Ana?"_

_Light flooded the room. She whirled around and spotted Gail near the light switch, gazing at her in confusion. Ana saw surprised and concern flooded the older woman's face as she took in her appearance._

_Suddenly feeling conscious, she lifted a hand and raked her fingers through her hair, striving to fix what she was sure were tangled strands. Ana didn't need a mirror to tell her how bedraggled she looked. Gail's face said it all._

_She had known Gail Jones even before the older woman started working for Christian as his housekeeper. Taken in by the Grey's after her father died, Ana grew up at the Grey mansion and had developed closeness with the people who worked for the family. Gail was one of them. The older woman had been the household's cook for years before Grace felt the need to transfer her at Christian's Escala residence. Without admitting, it was Grace's way of keeping an eye on her second son—who __recently started living alone._

_Gail was like an aunt for her—someone who looked after and cared for her. It was no surprising to see the housekeeper worried after seeing her that way._

_"Are you alright?" Her voice was soft._

_Ana wasn't alright but the woman before her didn't need to know that. So blinking back her tears and forcing herself to smile, she replied. "I-I am. I just need to get going. C-Christian's already asleep in his room."_

_She was barely hanging on to her composure and the simple mention of Christian's name almost broke it._

_Doubt clouded Gail's eyes. "Are you sure you're okay?"_

_Afraid she wouldn't be able to control herself and burst out in tears if she opened her mouth and spoke, Ana nodded. She could tell the older woman was about to pry her more when the sound signaling the elevator car's arrival prevented her from doing so._

_Ana promptly stepped inside as soon as the door opened. "I'll see you soon. Take care, Gail."_

_"Ok. You, too." Were all Gail could say before losing sight of the younger woman._

* * *

_Ana arrived at her place minutes later, feeling indebted that the doorman—__who previously helped her with Christian—hailed a cab for her without giving her a curious glance. Once she stepped inside her apartment, she headed straight to the bathroom, removed her clothes and went under the shower. _

_With the hot water gliding over body, Ana's endless tears flowed along with it. In the confines of her small bathroom, she let out the cries she had been holding back. Her sobs were loud, in hopes that it would somehow bring peace she badly needed right at that moment._

_Only when she started trembling did she realize that the water had already turned cold. Feeling more exhausted than ever, Ana turned the shower off and moved toward the sink. She braced herself as she looked at her reflection in the mirror._

_She was a mess. From her disheveled hair and more paler skin to her puffy eyes, red nose and swollen lips, Ana was a wreck. There was a cut on her lower lip she didn't notice before. Love bites covered her neck and chest. Finger marks marred her hips._

_ Nothing Christian did to her that night was soft and tepid. No. He had been eager and fervent—a telltale sign of how passionate he was._

_Because he believed she was Olivia. _

_'Liv,'_

_Christian called her by the name he used to fondly call the woman he loved but lost._

_'Liv,'_

_It was a mere whisper but Ana heard it loud and clear. And that one word broke her. __Hearing him whispered Olivia's nickname while inside her had surpassed all the hurt she felt while loving him secretly. What was supposed to be one of the most memorable moments of her life had become the most painful one._

_'Liv,'_

_For the first time in her life, she had sex. And it was with Christian. It was wild and all-consuming, and went far beyond how Ana imagined it would be. She wasn't going to be a hypocrite and say she never thought of him sexually because she did, in fact, thought of him that way. _

_She was 24 years old, and had loved and desired only one man. Unfortunately for her, he was never hers to love and desire to begin with. And after tonight's event, Ana wasn't sure if they would at least remain friends. That possibility added to her heartache._

_Closing her eyes, she willed herself not to shed tears again. She was tired—physically and emotionally. The dawn was already breaking and the sun would soon rise. Ana needed to rest._

_Turning away from the mirror, she put on a robe and exited the bathroom. She walked to her bedroom, laid her weary body in the bed and closed her eyes. She was grateful for the alcohol in her system. It made her numb from the soreness she was supposed to feel. If only it could get rid of the ache in her heart too._

* * *

"F***." He cursed before he could stop himself.

If he could beat himself to death right at that exact moment, Christian would have done it already. The look on Ana's face would haunt his memory for the rest of his life.

He wanted to look away, to turn his head so he wouldn't see the endless tears that fell down her face, to cover his ears so he wouldn't hear the pain in her sobs. But he couldn't—wouldn't—do it. He deserved it—the shame, remorse, torment. For what he did to her, Christian deserved it all.

He woke up that morning—dazed and hung-over. His mind was like a Swiss cheese with all the holes in his memory. Christian couldn't perfectly remember the events from last night. Tried as he might, his recollection was foggy.

He remembered going to Mancini's with Ana. Elliot proposing to Kate. Heading to Purple Emporium after. Drinking. More drinking. Going home. Ana helping him climb the stairs. More drinking. Kissing Ana.

He kissed Ana. He. Kissed. Ana.

At that memory, Christian sat up abruptly in bed.

Ana was beneath him. They were both naked. More kissing. Touching.

His face getting paler, his heartbeat going faster as more flashbacks entered his mind.

Ana!

_'Where is she?' _He asked himself, urging his eyes to focus as he searched for her in his room.

He stiffened when his gaze caught a red stain on the sheet.

_Eyes tearing up from pain, she nodded. 'G-Go on.'_

_"I'm sorry," He apologized before pushing himself deeper in her, breaking her barrier and going into a place where no else had been._

Letting out a curse, he stumbled to get out of his bed. He knew Ana was gone. There was no sign of her in his bathroom. She left while he was asleep.

_'What did he do?'_

That was a stupid question. Christian knew what he did. The blood on his bed was a clear confirmation.

Snatching up his cellphone he found on the nightstand, he quickly dialed Ana's number. It rang then was rejected. He called her again. Same result. On his fourth attempt, he lost his patience, grabbed his scattered clothes on the floor and got dressed.

He didn't wait for Taylor to accompany him and just drove himself to Ana's apartment. Using the spare keys in his hold, Christian let himself inside only to find the place empty. She was nowhere to be found.

For hours he waited for her—using the time to get his thoughts together. A part of him was grateful she wasn't home when he arrived because if Christian was able to catch up with her before she left, he honestly wouldn't know what to say. But he had to see her. He had to check on her.

It was already afternoon when he heard the sound of keys jiggling followed by the knob turning and the door opening. From his seat in the living room, he silently watched as Ana entered—bags of grocery items in her hands. She made no hint she noticed him and went straight to the kitchen.

_'She seems alright.' _That was he said to himself as he took a look at her.

Suddenly feeling a voyeur for watching her without her knowledge, Christian made his presence known. He surprised her. He saw it on her face.

Different emotions coursed through him as they remained silently standing across from each other—neither seemed to want to speak first.

When he woke up that morning, he had been confused. When he realized what happened between them last night, Ana's well-being had become his priority. He was worried for her. The need to see her had crushed the pounding headache he'd been experiencing. His hang over had suddenly disappeared. When he saw her looking fine with his own eyes, relief came. It was as if he could finally breathe again.

What he didn't expect to feel were hurt and little anger after learning she took off from his room and her apartment. It was obvious she was avoiding him and Christian discerned if he hadn't surprisingly showed up at her place, she would find a way to evade him.

He tried to comprehend her actions, telling himself Ana's mind was probably in a turmoil. But when she tried to dismiss what happened between them, Christian lost his restraint.

Clearly, Ana wanted to forget they had sex and had no problem letting him know that it was nothing but a drunken mistake. She sounded indifferent—like she hadn't just lost her innocence.

Her heedless words offended him in some way. He discerned she was lying. Christian knew her. They grew up together and lived under the same roof for a decade. Ana was not that kind of woman.

_Then why is she lying?_

Forcing the facts out of her, Christian had his answers.

People said it was better to be slapped with the truth than kissed with a lie. But what if the truth crushed not only the person who was told but also the one who hid them but was compelled to reveal them?"

Looking at Ana now—shattered and in pain because of him—he was at lost. He wanted to come to her, wipe her tears dry, hug her, comfort her, do anything that would make her sorrow go away but he doubted if she would let him. Suddenly, a space between them had developed, putting a gap to their friendship.

Christian kept an eye on her as she struggled to regain her composure. It was only then did he get to study her more and he hated himself more if possible. She wasn't alright like he first assumed she was. No, she was hurting. He could see it now. He could see _her_ now.

Feeling powerless, he ran his fingers through his hair. "I don't know what to say. I don't know what to do. I-I just don't want to cause you anymore pain."

"Then stop." She said. Brushing her tears away, she straightened her stance. "Stop what you're doing. Stop looking at me like you pity me. Don't feel sorry for me. I know where I stand in your life—I've always known. I'm Annie to you. The 6-year old girl in pigtails you first met when you were 8. The 8-year old girl in constant tears your parents took pity on and let live in your house because she had nowhere else to go after losing her father. I'm Annie to you, Chris. Your friend who always had your back. Who still will always have your back."

"Annie,"

"I won't stand here and take your sympathy." She shook her head, her movement tossed her hair to her back, unknowingly exposing her neck.

Christian's gaze immediately noticed the bruises decorating it. Without warning, he closed their distance, eyes glued to the marks he knew he made.

Startled, Ana's blue eyes widened. "What are you—"

"I hurt you." He said.

Lifting a hand, he lightly stroked the red blemishes. They were plenty—trailing from below her ear down to her upper chest. Christian was confident it went far beyond that point. He looked up to her face and spotted the cut on her lower lip. His finger went to touch it too.

Ana flinched at his action.

"I'm sorry." He apologized.

For presuming his caress pained her? For what he stupidly did last night? Christian had a lot to be sorry for, he didn't know where to even start.

He took a step back but his gaze remained on the bruises. The sight of them confused him though. Christian couldn't blame being wasted for leaving marks on her. Drunk or not, it never happened before.

_'What made his night with Ana different? What made her different?'_

Ana grabbed a portion of her hair and brought them back in her front, hiding them from his view, her uneasiness was palpable. "They're nothing."

"How can you say that? Have you seen yourself in the mirror? You're covered in bruises—in my marks. There's a wound on your lips." He asked in disbelief.

"They're nothing." She said again.

"They aren't nothing. Last night is not nothing. Stop regarding everything as if they don't matter because they do." He reached out, grabbed her wrist and put her palm on his cheek. Using her hand, Christian slapped himself several times. "Hit me. Punch me if you want. Kick me if you must. Treat me the way I deserve to be treated. Hate me like I hate myself right now."

"Stop!" She cried and took her hand from his hold. "I know you feel guilty for thinking you forced me but you didn't, Chris. I willingly gave myself to you."

"I hurt you."

"You didn't do anything I didn't want you to."

"You are my closest friend, Annie, yet I caused you pain in the most inconceivable way. How am I going to live with that?"

"You don't owe me anything, Chris. If there's one thing I learned from loving you is that you can't push yourself to feel something you don't. Don't feel obligated because you can't give me what I want. I'm hurting but it isn't your fault. It's never your fault."

Her words were softly spoken yet Christian didn't miss the strength he heard in them and it bewildered him.

Ana was one of the fiercest people he knew and had the luxury of being friends with.

When she was 5, her mother, Carla, left her to a neighbor and never came back, leaving only a note the local authorities had later found in their house. An active Marine during that time, Ray Steele—Ana's father—was forced to return home from his assignment abroad after learning his wife abandoned their child. With no one to take care of Ana, he left the Navy and took a job as head of security in his high school friend—Carrick Grey's—law firm.

Christian was 8 when a dark brown haired 6-year old girl in pigtails was first introduced to him. It was his father's birthday that day and the father and daughter were invited to their house for the celebration. Anastasia Steele—or Annie as he heard Ray called her—was the same age as Mia that the two instantly became playmates.

While he was busy playing with Olivia, he glanced at Ana from time to time and noticed how shy and distant she was despite being near his bubbly and energetic sister. Christian overheard his parents talking to Ray and found out Ana's mother had left her. He guessed it was the reason for her timid attitude and made a resolve to be extra kind to her.

Two years after, 10-year old Christian attended Ray's funeral with his family. His young heart ached seeing Ana sobbing loudly beside her father's casket. Ray's sudden death from brain aneurysm was felt not only by Ana but also the entire Grey family who had grown closer to him and his daughter. Finding it hard to imagine how painful it must be for her to be left almost an orphan since they heard nothing from Carla ever since she went away, he cried along with her. After the burial, she went home with them and became an addition to the Grey's.

Christian's and Ana's friendship was established through the years. Only two years apart, their age gap was ignored and they became as close as best friends could be. Her journey wasn't easy but Christian was delighted he had been there to witness her become the confident and good-hearted woman she was now.

After everything she went through, Ana didn't deserve to be hurt. Not by anyone. Especially not by him.

What he would be asking her next would probably put a dent on the resolve she was trying so hard to preserve but Christian had to ask it. The possibility had been plaguing his mind since his eyes landed on the stain on his sheet.

"What if I you're pregnant?"

* * *

_To be continued..._


	3. Chapter 3

Occupied with typing on the computer keyboard, the sound of her cellphone ringing had her let out an annoyed sigh. Without glancing at who the caller could be, Ana answered the call and wedged the device in between her ear and shoulder before continuing her work.

"Anastasia Steele,"

_"Ana, dear?"_

For a moment she stiffened at the soft voice of the woman on the other side of the line. "Carla,"

Hearing her mother's voice now was something she was still getting used to.

_"Hi. How are you?"_

"Alright. Swamped with work as always." She replied promptly.

Ana didn't mean to sound callous but she also didn't have it in her to be warmhearted—not with Carla anyway.

The woman who had been MIA in most of her life had suddenly remembered her existence three years ago. It was during her last year in college when she arrived at the Grey mansion for the usual Sunday dinner with the family and was surprised to see a stranger in the living room talking with Carrick and Grace. Ana didn't recognize who the older woman was at first but when she called her name, buried memory of her at age 5 smiling and waving while her mother was driving away from her reappeared in her mind. She might have forgotten how her mother looked like but not how she sounded.

Ana would always remember her mother's voice and the promise she made before she disappeared. Carla said she had to leave but promised her daughter she would come back in no time. Ana believed her. Even if it had been days and Carla hadn't showed up yet, Ana held on to her mother's words.

Only when Ray talked to her months after Carla's departure did Ana finally grasped the possibility that her mother wouldn't be returning. Despite her father's reassurance that it wasn't her fault, her 5-year old heart didn't believe him and assumed that it was because she had been a terrible daughter that her mother left her. Crying, she apologized to Ray and admitted how her tantrums might have caused Carla to leave—Ana remembered how her mother would get annoyed whenever she would throw fit—which Ray vehemently disagreed.

With a vow that she would be a good daughter, eat her vegetables and go to bed early, Ana begged Ray to have her mother come home but Carla never showed up again.

When her father abruptly died, Ana prayed for her mother's return, badly needing Carla's comfort at that time. Ray tried his best to be there and take care of his only child—leaving the Navy and taking a job locally so he wouldn't have to go abroad—but now that he was gone, Ana was alone once again. She didn't want to be alone. She was scared to be alone. But her prayer went unanswered—there was no Carla in the funeral.

After the service, Carrick and Grace talked to her about coming home with them.

8-year old Ana always loved the Grey mansion. It was huge and had plenty of rooms and each was decorated beautifully and filled with elegant furnitures. Every time Ray would bring her there, she would wonder how would it feel to live in a castle-like place but her father would remind her that a house was just a house and the people who lived in it made it a home. For Ana, the Grey mansion was a home because Carrick, Grace, Elliot, Christian and Mia were the kindest people she ever met.

Whenever she would come at their house, she never felt out of place. Carrick would welcome her with a smile and a gentle pat on her head. Grace would let Ana eat her delicious cooking as much as she could and would even pack her some to take home later. Elliot would let her play his video games without limit. Mia would entertain her with different stories and would let her rest in her pretty pink room.

And Christian. Despite how his attention was mostly occupied by the girl next door, he would always find time to interact with her. He would ask her about her school and the things she enjoyed doing. At first Ana was hesitant to talk and share her thoughts but he would wait patiently until she started speaking and would listen intently at her words. Never letting her feel like she was an annoyance, Christian became the closest to her.

So when the Grey couple opened their home for her, Ana grabbed the chance. She didn't want to be alone. She was scared to be alone.

_"I'm sorry I disturbed you." _Carla apologized, pulling Ana back to the present.

"It's alright. How have you been?"

She could understand the silence that took over their conversation. Ana, too, was as surprised as Carla probably was since it was the first time she asked about her mother's well-being.

Because of their painful past, Ana had a hard time letting her mother into her life again. Their reconnection had been rocky at the start. Not trusting that Carla would stay and expecting she would disappear again, Ana put her at arm's length. But with Carla's persistence, their relationship had improved. They still didn't have the closeness a mother and daughter ideally have but they were progressing.

_"Good. I'm good. Great now, actually." _The delight in Carla's voice was palpable. _"I won't take much of your time. I just want to invite you to Amy's birthday next Sunday. She's hoping to finally meet you."_

Her heart tugged in her chest at the mention of her stepsister. After leaving her first family, Carla moved on and created a new family of her own in Savannah, Georgia. Ana had a stepfather and a stepsister she knew nothing about until three years ago.

"I'm sorry I can't be there but I'll be sending her a gift." She replied.

_"Oh, you don't have to do that but I'll let her know. I hope you can come here. You'll love it here."_

"Maybe someday. I got to go, Carla."

_"Alright. Take care, dear. I love you."_

"Take care, too. Bye."

Ana ended call and put her cellphone atop her desk. Leaning her head and back against her chair, she closed her eyes and pinched the bridge of her nose. She woke up that morning already feeling under the weather and talking to Carla did not help.

She was trying—forgiving her mother and letting go of the hurt she caused—but it was hard. Ana couldn't forget how Carla's sudden abandonment affected not only her but also her father who loved her mother deeply.

Brain aneurysm might have been the cause of Ray's death but it was a broken heart that took him away from Ana. She might have only been 6 when Carla left but she wasn't insensitive to the pain it induced to Ray. Her father had to give up being a Marine—a job he enjoyed doing—and worked locally to look after her. He was compelled to forget his own loneliness to focus on being both the father and mother his only child needed.

Several times, Ana would catch Ray sobbing in his room late at night when he assumed she was already asleep. Ray was strong. He was tall and built like the superheroes in comics and movies. His voice was loud and strict. To see him in tears was unusual for Ana but Ray cried and she didn't need to ask him what—or who—made him cry for she knew the answer: it was Carla— his wife.

"Based on how you look, I'd guess you just talked to your mother."

Ana opened her eyes and saw Hannah giving her a pitiful smile. She straightened up in her seat and forced a smile of her own. "Some days are better than others." She said, shrugging. "What brings you here?"

"Lori's tonight? Before you say no, I'd like to remind you that you already bailed out on me last Friday. Plus, Eunice and Mercy will be joining us." Her friend said, naming SIP HR staffs who also became their friends.

Like Ana, Hannah Thomas also worked as a personal assistant to a commissioning editor at Seattle Independent Publishing for two years now. Almost hired at the same time, the two became friends immediately. Hannah knew snippets of her life story and vice versa.

On the end of their first week at their job, they discovered Lori's—a bar located around the corner of SIP—and stopped by for a round of drinks after work. It had become a tradition for them since then and they were sometimes joined by their fellow SIP employees.

"I don't think—"

"Come on, Ana. It'll be fun." Hannah cut her off.

"What will be fun, Miss Thomas?" Jack asked as he stepped out of his office.

Startled at his presence, the two friends exchanged looks.

Barely a month in his job, Jack Hyde replaced Ana's former boss—Nicholas Feldman—as one of SIP's Commissioning Editors after the latter retired. Jack was strict but very welcoming to Ana's opinions and ideas.

"Uhm... Ana and I are going to Lori's for a drink after work. Some of our friends will be there too. Uhm...why don't you join us, sir?" Hannah stuttered.

Jack turned to Ana. "Lori's?"

"It's a bar just around the corner of this block."

Jack nodded. "I'm still new to this city and haven't explored the area yet. I think I'll join you. I'll see you ladies later."

Ana and Hannah watched the man strode toward the exit.

"Really? Invite my boss?" Ana gritted when she was sure Jack was far enough.

"What do you want me to do? Not invite him? He probably already heard us talking."

Ana sighed. "I don't think I can make it tonight, Han."

"Why not? Mr. Hyde already knows you'll come. He'll be expecting you."

She stayed silent.

"What's going on with you lately?" Her friend inquired, curious gaze glued to her.

"It's nothing."

"You always say that. You say it's nothing even if it's not, like you say you're fine though you're clearly not."

Hearing Hannah's words reminded her of her conversation with Christian from three weeks ago.

"I'm fine."

Hannah could tell the truth behind her words but let it go. "Well, if you want to talk, you know where to find me."

"Thanks."

Left to her own devices, Ana's mind wandered to Christian—the man she hadn't seen since he stepped out of her place almost three weeks ago.

* * *

_"What if you're pregnant?" He asked carefully. "I-I didn't use any protection and I don't remember pulling out."_

_"I'm on the pill." She simply answered knowing what his next question would be. _

_Quietness fell over them at her response._

_"A-Annie," _

_"I already told you, I don't need your sorry." Ana turned away and moved to the couch. She sat and sighed. "It has been a long day, Chris. I'm tired and I know you are, too. Why don't we call it a day?"_

_Instead of leaving like she expected him to do, Christian strode toward her and to her surprise, kneeled in front of her. Cautiously enveloping her hands with his, his grey eyes begging for forgiveness met her pain-filled baby blues._

_"I care about you a lot. I always have. Causing you pain was never in my mind. But I did it anyway. I f**__*ed up and I don't know how to make it right. I don't know how to make it up to you. I don't know if I can ever make it up to you. You said I didn't do anything wrong but I did, Annie. We both know I did." _

_When Ana's tears started trickling down her face again, Christian was quick to wipe them dry. He cupped her cheeks and used his thumbs to gently brush her tears away._

_"Stop putting me in a pedestal and treating me like I am blameless. Stop making excuses for me. I don't deserve it." He continued. "I'm stupid for hurting you. You're in pain__ because of me and I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, Annie. There's no justification for what I did and I know no matter how many times I apologize, it won't change the fact that I hurt you. Nothing I do will atone for my mistakes nor will make up for all the tears that you cried because of me but I'm willing to do anything I can to ease off your pain. Anything."_

_"I need space, Chris." She said quietly, turning her head away. Her action drove him to remove his hands from her face. Ana ignored the bereft feeling that coursed through her at the lost of his touch. Looking back at him, she could feel her heart breaking. "I can't be your friend—at least not right now. Seeing you hurt me and I'm tired of getting hurt. I need not to see you. I need not to be with you."_

_With tears welling up behind his eyes, Christian slowly nodded, letting her know he understood. He stood up and placed a tender kiss on her forehead. "I will always be here for you, Annie."_

_Squeezing her eyes shut, she basked at the feeling of being near him, aware that it was going to be a while before she could feel it again. Ana didn't look as he took a step away from her. She didn't watch him turned his back and walked toward the door. Choking back her sobs, she willed herself not to witness him open it and step out.__ Only when she heard the door clicking shut did she open her eyes and let her tears fall._

* * *

She had not seen Christian again. For the past three weeks, Ana didn't show up at the Grey mansion for the Sunday family dinner, knowing he would be there. The Grey's wondered about her absence but the excuses she made seemed valid enough that they accepted them without further inquiries.

She had no idea how long she could keep distancing herself from the people who became her family but the idea of crossing paths with Christian strengthened her resolve. It was time for her to move on. Loving him all these years had become her second nature—a habit she needed to stop doing.

But it was hard. It felt like her heart was being ripped from her body every time she thought of Christian. Ana often wondered how he was doing.

_Does he still drink himself to sleep? Does he still mourn the love he lost? Does he wake up and wish he can be with her?_

Because those were what she had been doing. Although Ana didn't drink herself to sleep, she cried until she was tired enough to succumb to slumber. She mourned for the love she had for him. She woke up every morning and wished she could at least see him.

But she had to let her feelings go. After everything that happened between her and Christian, what choice did she have?

* * *

"Come on. Don't give up on me now. Please." She pleaded, twisting the key in the ignition. But just like the last time she did that, the engine didn't start. Ana tried again and had the same result again. That had been the 10th time she tried to start Wanda.

Frustrated, Ana slumped her head on the steering wheel. It was midnight and she was at Lori's parking lot alone and a little scared—if she was honest. Wanda had been acting up lately but she dismissed it. She should have known better. Her car was old and already unstable.

Her Friday night out with Hannah and their friends had just ended. Like what he told them, Jack joined them and bought the first round. With her sickness growing, Ana still stayed until they called it a night but left her alcohol untouched and only had water. After bidding everyone goodbye, she headed toward to where her car was parked.

She planned on taking a warm bath as soon as she was home to ease off her feeling ill, but with her current situation, Ana's plan would have to wait. She had to call a roadside assistance and let them tend to her car. Grabbing her cellphone from her bag, she was about to dial when a knock on her window jolted her.

Looking through the glass, Ana saw a man in a dark suit gazing at her, motioning for her to roll her window down. The man—who seemed to be of the same age as hers—appeared to be trustworthy but remembering the scenes from her favorite TV crime drama, she didn't want to risk her safety. Shaking her head, she declined his proposition.

The man didn't look to be offended and only smiled politely at her. He held up a palm—signaling for her to hold on—and turned his back. With a frown on her face, Ana watched as he pulled out a cellphone and made a call. She couldn't hear him from inside her car but his conversation with whoever he called didn't last long. He returned to her and remained standing as if waiting for something.

Ana jumped in her seat when the ringing of her cellphone broke the silence. Without taking her gaze from the man, she answered the call.

_"Ana?"_

She felt her heart beat faster hearing a familiar voice—a voice she dearly missed. "C-Christian?"

_"Yes, it's me. There's a man standing a few steps from you. His name is Luke Sawyer. He works for me and will help you."_

"W-What are you talking about?" She asked, confusion flooding her mind.

_"The man in a suit is Luke Sawyer."_ He repeated calmly. _"He works for me. You can trust him, Annie. I asked him to bring you home and take care of Wanda."_

Christian's added statement baffled her even more. Her mind was suddenly swarmed with questions, furthering her already mounting sickness. Ana could feel herself beginning to lose consciousness. "C-Chris,"

Her last recollection was opening her car door. Ana faintly heard Christian's panicked voice from the other side of the line calling her name before darkness shrouded her.

* * *

His eyes locked on her as he held her hand, his thumb lightly tracing circles on its back. Christian remembered she once told him how it calmed her whenever he did that.

_"I got her, sir. We're on our way to the hospital right now."_

Sawyer's words kept replaying in his mind. Christian couldn't recall the last time he had been that scared in his life. Hearing from the man he asked to look after Ana that she fainted, drew out strange emotions from him. Emotions that were new to him.

Was it concern? Christian was always worried for her. He tried not to think about her and give her the space she asked for but only after a week of being away from her, he gave up. So even though he was aware that Ana would definitely kill him when she discovered, he had a man kept tabs on her for the past couple of weeks. Sawyer kept his distance but his focus never strayed from her.

Christian had then known what she had been doing. He learned several times that week that she skipped lunch. He knew she missed last Friday's night out with her friend, Hannah, but joined the woman tonight with her new boss, Jack Hyde, and only had water. When Sawyer informed him that her car wouldn't start, Christian told the man to help her. Ana not trusting Sawyer easily wasn't news for Christian. She loved her TV shows and her imagination would run wild after watching the crime dramas she favorited. What took him aback was the weakness in her voice when she said his name right before she lost consciousness. His heart seemed to stop beating when Sawyer confirmed that Ana passed out. It was a good thing she managed to open her car door first, letting Sawyer reach for her and bring her to the nearest hospital.

Was it guilt then that had Christian terrified? He wronged her and it was a mistake he couldn't undo and could never make up for. He had money—a lot, as reported by a few top ten lists. He was influential according to some people. But even with his richness and power, nothing could compensate the pain he caused the woman who had always been there for her. Ana was the closest friend he had yet he hurt her. The remorse he felt was one cross he was willing to carry for the rest of his life.

What was it then? What unfamiliar emotion had Ana unknowingly brought out in him?

The sound of the door opening had Christian turned. He stood up when he saw Grace—still in her laboratory coat—stepped inside.

"Chris,"

"Mom," He gave her a quick hug before returning to his previous position.

Grace strode to the other side of Ana's bed and fondly stroke the younger woman's hair. "I haven't seen her in a while and didn't realize there's something going on with her when we talked yesterday."

"She didn't know." He once again took hold of Ana's hand.

His mother nodded. "That was my first thought, too."

A moment of silence passed before Grace spoke again. "She is—" She paused and corrected herself. "They are going to be fine. She has to eat frequently and the right kinds of foods to stabilize her blood sugar levels."

"I'll take care of her—of them." He quickly uttered.

Christian sensed his mother's inquisitive eyes on him. Grace had questions but knew better than to ask them right now. He would answer her but not before he talked to Ana.

He stared at her sleeping face. Paler than usual, she still looked serene. Christian had no idea how she was going to react to the unexpected news awaiting for her when she woke up. Whatever it would be, he vowed to be there for her.

* * *

"I-I had a throat infection barely a month ago and had to take a short round of antibiotic. D-Did it affect...W-Was it because of it?" Shocked, she asked Dr. Greene.

Ana woke up less than half an hour ago feeling disoriented. She was lying in a bed in an unfamiliar room, a distinct smell of antiseptic wafting in the air. Seeing an IV attached to one of her wrists, her hunched was confirmed—she was in the hospital.

She looked to her side and spotted Christian sitting in a chair beside her with his eyes closed. Her attempt to move had woken him up. Undeniable relief crossed his face upon seeing her. He barely uttered a word before rushing out through the door. If they were in any other circumstances, Ana would find his action funny.

Not long after, he came back along with her ob-gynecologist, Dr. Greene, and a nurse. Ana started to wonder about Dr. Greene's presence while glancing at Christian's quiet retreating form. From her bed, she could see him—with his back on her—standing just outside the room.

5 weeks. That was how far along she was in her pregnancy. The estimated date of conception matched the night she had sex with Christian. Her passing out could be blame on her low blood sugar level, the good doctor explained.

Dr. Greene—who had been her ob-gyne since she was a teenager—gave her an understanding smile. "If used perfectly, women's birth control pill is 99.7% effective or 91% effective with typical use. However, some medications can interfere or decrease its effectivity. Antibiotics are one of them."

Because of some hormonal issues, Ana was on the pill and had been taking it religiously since she started menstruating. She had been confident that she was protected and never thought she could be pregnant.

She hadn't felt any symptoms other than her delayed menstruation which she attributed to her stressful weeks.

_She's pregnant. 5 weeks pregnant. With Christian's child. Oh God._

The doctor noticed her face turned ashen. "Ana," Dr. Greene's soft voice halted her distress. "I take it you're surprised but I want you to know there are other options you can ta—."

Before she could finish her sentence, Ana cut her off. "No. I can't. I won't. I'm going to keep my child." Her hands flew to her still flat belly, covering it protectively.

_Even if she has to do it alone. _Ana added in her mind.

Dr. Greene nodded. "It's alright, Ana. Since you are in your early pregnancy, I would suggest we perform a transvaginal ultrasound so we can get a better image of the baby."

"Okay." She agreed. "I-I just need to talk to someone first."

* * *

"I'm going to keep the baby." She informed Christian in a voice that told him her mind was made up.

After Dr. Greene left, Ana's moment of solitude was cut short by Christian's entrance. He stepped inside and stood by the foot of her bed. Hands inside his pants' pockets, he looked at her with an inscrutable expression.

She should be worried about what he thought of her and their current situation but Ana's priority was the child growing inside her. Christian might believe what he wanted to believe but she wouldn't be deterred. She would have her baby with or without his support.

"I won't oblige you to do anything or even acknowledge his or her existence."

"Is that how less you think of me?" Christian sounded offended. He walked toward her and sat on the chair he previously occupied. "I should be hurt but I got where you are coming from." Reaching out, he carefully grabbed her IV-free hand. "I know things have been more than awkward between us lately but I'm here, Annie, and I won't let you do this alone. I won't be going anywhere. We'll work this out."

"I never intended—I have no idea antibiot—"

Christian stopped her by putting a finger over her lips. "Enough of that nonsense. This baby isn't a mistake and will never be a mistake. Never ever think of him or her that way.

His words shouldn't warm her heart but they did. Ana was aware it was only because of the baby that Christian was with her right now but she was still happy that he was. She was certain she could manage on her own but she couldn't deny his presence gave her comfort.

If he wanted to be present in their baby's life, Ana had to let him know what he was in for.

"It won't be easy." She mumbled.

"That's why I'm here for." He retorted, a confident smirk on his face.

"To make my life harder?"

"I'm glad you still have your humor."

"It kinda never left."

* * *

_To be continued..._

* * *

_A/N: Once again, thank you for your reviews, follows and favorites. I respect everyone's opinions in regards to this story. This isn't going to be perfect but I will do my best to make it a good one. _


	4. Chapter 4

_ Blip._

She couldn't think of any other perfect word to use to call the tiny little spot in the black and white picture she was holding.

"Blip." Ana repeated with a sound this time, lightly running a finger over the image of her baby.

"Well, that's one unique name. I can say I've never heard it before."

Flicking her eyes to the door, Grace's smiling face came to her view.

"Grace," Ana's face brightened seeing the woman who had become more of a mother to her than her own over the years. "Come in."

Grace entered and went to sit on the empty space of her bed. "I hope I'm not interrupting you."

Ana quickly shook her head. "Of course not. You'll never be a bother."

"I wish my children can hear you say that. My presence seems to badger them these days."

Ana had to stifle her chuckle, already aware of what Grace was talking about.

Sensing there was more to her absence than what she was letting on, Mia called her days ago to question her but Ana had been adamant not to disclose the real reason why she had been missing for the past three Sunday family dinners. Acquiescing, Mia ended up telling her how her mother showed up at her apartment unannounced and caught her in a rather compromising position with the man she was currently seeing. Livid, her friend lost it and kicked Grace out, embarrassing them both.

Grace picked up on her reaction and blushed. "She did tell you."

"She's still mad, by the way."

Lifting her hands, Grace covered her eyes. "There are things I can't unsee."

Ana burst out in laughter and was joined by the older woman.

Moments later when they had collected themselves, Grace glanced at the photo in her hand. "May I?"

Without words, Ana handed her the ultrasound picture.

"Blip is beautiful." The older woman uttered with affection, staring at it for a second more before giving it back to her. "How are you feeling?"

"I'm good. Dr. Greene said I can go home but suggested that I stay the night to recuperate."

"That's great."

"G-Grace," She didn't know where to start.

Grace was the mother she wished she had. Ana always admired her fortitude and even temper. Underneath Grace's sweet front was a fiery woman who would protect her family at all cost. With everything that happened between her and Christian, Ana was afraid to know that Grace was disappointed in her.

The older woman tenderly grabbed her hand. "I may not be the woman who gave birth to you but you've always been a daughter to me. You've always been a part of the family. You are a Grey, Ana. Nothing will change that."

"I-I didn't mean for this to happen." Ana looked down, unable to meet the older woman's gaze.

A kind smile formed on Grace's lips. "I am a believer that things happen for a reason. We may not know the why right now but when the time is right, we'll have all our answers."

Seconds passed by before Ana spoke again. "I love him." She confessed quietly.

"Yes, you do."

Taken aback, she looked at the woman who reacted nonchalantly at her admission.

"Only a blind person wouldn't be able to see how dear my son is to you. Did I wish you don't love him like you do? Yes. Not because you don't deserve him." Grace shook her head. "No. It's because he doesn't deserve you. Christian is my son and I love him with all my heart. He is kind and compassionate but he is also not perfect. He can be cruel and vindictive. You know all these and still accept him. You love him in your own way—silently and unassuming. For years you've been there for him, Ana, but he's been blind. Too fixated on what he wanted, he didn't see what he needed."

Overwhelmed by Grace's words, Ana couldn't stop the tears from slipping her eyes. The door opened and Christian—who left the room minutes ago to answer a business call—came in. She looked away and hastily brushed her cheeks, hating for him to see her sobbing but she was late.

"Hey," In an instant, he was there, replacing Grace on the bed. "Are you alright?" He asked, cupping her cheek.

Ana nodded—that was all she could do at that point.

Frowning, Christian's eyes jumped to his mother. "What's going on?"

"It's the hormones, I think." Ana answered before Grace could.

He looked back at her and his face softened. "You should be resting."

Ana detested how her heart fluttered at his concern. She quietly reminded herself that Christian was only with her now because she was carrying his child. But whenever he would regard her with those grey eyes in worry, she couldn't help but wish differently.

When he held her hand to lend comfort and to help ease her nervousness as Dr. Greene performed the ultrasound, Ana wished he did that because he loved her more than just as a friend. When Christian's eyes turned watery as he first took a look at the small spot in the screen that was their baby growing in her womb, she wished he was delighted because he was looking forward in being a father and not because he was compelled in becoming one given their situation.

How could she stop herself from wishing when all Ana did since she learned to accept that she was in love with him was wished that he was feeling the same way for her? How could she teach her heart to stop loving Christian when all she knew to do was loved him?

* * *

"You're the guy from last night." Ana blurted, recognizing the man in front of her.

The man—still donning a suit—held out a hand. "Luke Sawyer at your service, Ms. Steele."

Hesitantly, she took his hand.

Driven by Taylor, Christian and Ana just arrived from the hospital. Dr. Greene gave them the green signal to go home but not after discussing the do's and don'ts Ana needed to follow. Apart from the folic acid and prenatal vitamins she had to take, she needed to maintain a well-balanced diet to keep her blood sugar levels stable. The doctor wanted Ana to come back after two weeks for another ultrasound to monitor the baby's development and hopefully, to hear the baby's heartbeat. Christian and Ana were both looking forward to that day.

As soon as Taylor parked the vehicle in front of her apartment building, Ana stepped out of it. Her eyes caught the man she saw last night at Lori's parking lot standing outside.

Ana turned to Christian. "Did you say he works for you?"

Christian nodded. "Yes."

She eyed him, waiting for him to elaborate his answer. "Is that it? No explanation? He was at Lori's last night, Chris. What was he doing there? And why is he here now?"

He put a hand on her back and escorted her toward the door. "I'll answer your questions inside. Come on,"

Throwing one last glance at Sawyer, she let Christian led her inside.

* * *

He didn't like when she was silent. Ana was hardly ever silent with him. She spoke her mind—a little too much in some instances. But when he told her that Sawyer would be looking after her from that day on, she turned quiet. Eerily quiet.

Minutes had passed and she hadn't uttered a single word yet. From his position—sitting on one end of her couch, Christian uncomfortably watched as she took several deep breaths on her seat on the other end.

"Tell me what you're thinking, Annie." He urged.

"I'm thinking where to hit you best right now without me exerting too much effort. You know, since I just got back from the hospital and Dr. Greene said I can't overdo things."

Christian's brows furrowed. "Hit me? Why would you want to hit me?"

Ana rolled her eyes. "There goes Mr. Oblivious."

"What?"

She glared at him. "First, you had someone kept tabs on me without my knowledge or permission. That was surprisingly a very stalker-ish behavior, Chris. Honestly, I didn't expect that from you. But I'll let it go since Sawyer came in handy last night."

Christian noticed her hand moved to her belly in a protective gesture. He didn't think Ana was even aware of her action.

She was going to be one hell of a mother, he imagined.

"And now, you want him to watch over me. Do I look five to you?"

He shook his head.

"Then why do I need a nanny?"

"Sawyer is not a nanny. He's more like a bodyguard." He replied.

"Pota-yto. Pota-hto."

"Annie," Christian sighed. He didn't like when she was silent but sarcastic Ana was someone he didn't adore either.

"How is it going to be? Will he be available at my beck and call?"

"Pretty much yes. As much as I want to be in Sawyer's position, I can't. That's why he is going to be there for you whenever I'm not able to."

Ana shook her head. "Nope. I don't need you or him to look after me."

"Annie,"

"I know we said we'll do this baby thing together. But you have to realize that we both have our own lives, Chris. I expect you to be there for the check ups and any other baby-related events if you're available. But I don't expect you to spend all your free time with me or have someone to watch over me because you can't."

Christian couldn't deny the hurt he felt by her statement. Ana just made it clear that his constant presence in her life wasn't wanted. She was right at some point. They did agree that he would be there for the baby. After all, it was his responsibility. But why doing it for their unborn child seemed not enough reason for him?

Dr. Greene was positive that Ana's pregnancy wasn't as delicate as they first presumed it was. For as long as she took her vitamins, maintained her blood sugar in normal levels and followed the do's and don'ts, Ana and the baby would be alright. But he couldn't help but worry.

Over the past years, there had only been a few situations that shook him up. Some of them Christian had already forgotten. But last night was different.

Christian had Taylor broke almost all the traffic rules to get to the hospital the soonest. He was already there at the Emergency room when Sawyer arrived with the unconscious Ana. Christian hadn't seen her for the past three weeks and was shocked to see her looking pasty. She appeared to have lost some weight too.

It was a blessing that Grace was present at the hospital that time. One call to his mother and she came rushing to where Ana was and performed her job with expertise. Since his mother was Ana's emergency contact person, it had been easy for Grace to decide what was best for the still passed out Ana.

Blood tests were immediately done to help determine what was wrong with her. To Grace's shock, the result revealed that Ana's hCG level was that of a pregnant woman.

Grace came to him while he was in the waiting room and inquired if Ana had been seeing anyone. Christian was baffled by her out-of-the-blue question. For the past two weeks, Sawyer had been reporting to him every night and never mentioned an instance when she went out on a dinner or a date with someone. It had only been work and home for Ana.

It didn't take long for Christian to grasp on the motive of Grace's question. Call it instinct but even without his mother's confirmation, he knew Ana was pregnant. With his child. Ana was carrying his baby.

Was he surprised? Yes. Ana said she was on the pill and he believed her. He had no reason not to.

Christian also realized she had no idea she was pregnant. If she knew, she wouldn't skip those lunches and she wouldn't be at Lori's that night. Ana was a loving individual. He was confident she would never intentionally hurt someone—especially her own child.

It was only when Ana was secured to a private room and her ob-gynecologist was contacted did Christian's heart started beating normally again.

For someone who loved control, Ana's emergency incident had him in fear. Fear of the unknown. Fear of powerlessness.

Her last night's ordeal was something Christian would never forget.

"Hey, did you hear me?" Ana's hand was waving right in front of his face when he had broken out of his reverie. She had already moved closer to him without him realizing.

He caught her wrist easily. "I did hear you and I didn't like it."

Ana tried to tug her hand back but he only held it tighter. When she stopped struggling, Christian released her wrist but intertwined his fingers with hers. His action wasn't uncommon to them. They held hands many times in the past. But somehow, the feeling of her hands on him felt strange now. But not strange in a bad way. No. Ana's warmth soothed him.

"Chris,"

He loathed the skepticism he read on her face. There was once a time when she was comfortable with his touch. That time seemed to be gone now and Christian only had himself to blame. Reluctantly, he let her hand go.

"I was scared." He admitted. "Last night when I heard your fading voice over the line, I panicked. I felt helpless because I wasn't with you. Although I'm grateful that Sawyer was there, I couldn't help but wonder what would have happened if he wasn't. What if last night you passed out and you were alone?"

He looked at her. "I have resources, Annie, and I don't mind using them for you. To make sure you're always safe. To make sure you have everything you need and want. I know you prefer to do things on your own and doesn't want anybody's help but can I be an exemption?"

She remained quiet for a minute and he discerned she was pondering over his request. Christian trusted her to make the right decision. It might not be what she would have fancied doing but it would be the best for them.

"I don't think I'll be comfortable with Sawyer's presence and it has nothing to do with him, don't get me wrong. I just don't like to be treated as weak or incapable." She said.

Christian was about to argue but she spoke again. "I know it's not your intention but it's how I feel. But I'm willing to compromise."

"Compromise?" He asked.

"Yeah. Like negotiate? You're a businessman, Chris, and a good one. Isn't that what you guys do at GEH?"

Christian smirked. "I prefer the word 'best' than 'good'."

Her blue eyes narrowed in exasperation. "Have I told you that you are very, very, very pompous?"

"Yes though it was only very, very pompous."

* * *

"Are you sure you don't want to work at GEH? You got quite a negotiating skill." He teased her.

Ana grabbed a piece of maple glazed donut from the box and took a quick bite before answering. "And see you everyday? No, thanks. Plus, it is awkward enough that your company owns SIP. I already have issues with being friends with my boss."

Seattle Independent Publishing had been under Grey Enterprises Holdings Inc. for a year now. Ana recalled fighting with him for not telling her about his company's plan to buy out SIP. She had only learned of it when the management disclosed the information to its employees, notifying them of the upcoming transition in the office.

She didn't talk with Christian for a week, she distinctly remembered. There were some people in SIP who already knew of Ana's friendship with the approaching owner and had been very vocal about what they believed she did. The rumors troubled her and she blamed Christian—who didn't stop trying to make her listen to his reasons.

When she at last found it in her heart to hear him out, he explained how SIP was already in the brink of closure and GEH was reached by its owners to help them. Seeing the potential in the publishing company, Christian didn't think twice and bought it. He planned on telling her but knowing her as much as he did, he feared her reaction.

Admitting they were both wrong, Christian and Ana traded apologies and were back to being friends again. It was as if a misunderstanding didn't occur.

Christian also bit the sugary dough in his hand. "Technically, I'm your boss' boss' boss. Wait," He paused and gazed at her. "Are you having problems at work because you're close to me? Who are they? Why didn't you tell me about them sooner?"

"Protective much, Chris?"

After an hour of exhaustive bargaining, they finally came up with a deal that they believed was equal beneficial on both sides. Since Wanda was still under repair, Sawyer—who would remain as Ana's bodyguard—would be there but only to drive her to and from work and if her destination was baby-related. Certain that Christian's time was most often than not consumed with work, she—after his strong persuasion—agreed to let him spend his free time with her. With the baby—she quickly corrected herself.

To celebrate their recently closed agreement, a box of Ana's favorite donuts was bought.

"I don't want you having a hard time. I don't see anything wrong with that." He said.

"You can't be my hero all the time. You can't always fight my battles for me. They are my own."

Her words hurt him, Ana discerned by the pained look that passed his face. They hurt her, too.

When they were younger, she relished being a damsel in distress knowing Christian would be there to save the day. He was Ana's knight in shining armor—strong and fearless, and ready to vanquish whatever demon that tormented her.

But those days were gone now. He couldn't be her hero anymore. Ana had to be strong and fearless on her own for she was going to be a mother now. Her child was going to enter the world needing her strength and bravery.

Without a doubt, Christian would be there to share accountability. He was the father of her child—a role nobody could ever take away from him. But one day, when he finally found someone he was going to spend the rest of his life with, there was only going to be Ana and her child left. Sooner or later, Christian was going to have a family of his own—a wife and children she knew he once dreamt of having with Olivia. He was going to build a life with someone else while Ana and her child were going to remain on the sidelines.

Ana needed to be tough when that time came. She needed to be fierce. For her. For her child.

She put the donut down on the table, suddenly feeling queasy.

"What's wrong? They were your favorites." Christian asked.

Before she could respond, Ana rushed to the toilet and heaved the contains of her stomach. Instantly, Christian was there to assist her.

* * *

"I guess morning sickness starts now at," Quickly glancing at the clock on her nightstand, Ana grimaced at the time. "seven in the evening."

After her not so pleasant episode in the bathroom, she was escorted by Christian to her bedroom. He had her lying in the bed before she could protest. He was gone for minutes and when he came back, he was carrying a tray of chicken soup, soda crackers, a can of ginger ale and a glass of water.

"Taylor said, these helped Gail during her pregnancy." He said, placing the tray on the nightstand. Taking the bowl of soup, he was about to sit on the bed when Ana held out her hands.

"Give me that." She spoke, asking for what was in his hands.

"I'm going to feed you."

"Must we argue on everything, Chris?" She asked tiredly.

He handed the bowl over.

Ana took it and started slowly feeding herself, ignoring Christian's eyes on her. "Can you ask Sawyer to arrive tomorrow at 5?"

"Where are you going?"

"To your parents' house." She replied matter-of-factly.

She was already absent in the weekly Sunday family dinner for three weeks, she didn't want to add another to the record. Plus, Ana knew the entire family would be there waiting for her and Christian. Frightened on how they would take the news, she wasn't really looking forward to seeing the Grey's but they deserved to know her condition. They were her family.

"Are you sure you can make it? They'll understand if you can't."

"I'll be fine. We're going to have to let them know tomorrow, Chris."

"I know. My mother already knows about our situation but for sure, she's keeping it to herself and is waiting for us to tell them."

Christian took the empty bowl from her and returned it in the tray.

"Water or ginger ale?"

"Water, please."

"There's no need for Sawyer to drive you tomorrow. I'll come and pick you up." He said as he gave her the glass.

Ana wanted to object but sensing the finality in his tone, she acceded. "Okay."

"Did you just agree with me?" He questioned her in disbelief.

"I'm not as horrible as you think I am."

"Didn't say you are."

"Like I need to hear it. I can be fairly nice too, just so you know."

* * *

"So, chicken soup makes me sick." Ana stated as she weakly laid her body back in the bed.

After her second bout of nausea, Christian noticed her face getting paler and his worry grew. "Do you want me to get you anything?"

"No. I'm good. Thanks." She mumbled as she closed her eyes.

"Grace suggested ginger candies. Taylor is buying them right now. I'm going to leave some within your reach later."

She didn't reply. Discerning she was beginning to sleep, he settled himself on the recliner chair beside her bed as noiselessly as he could.

His eyes took in her appearance. Ana tried to hide her insecurities and believed she was ugly. What she failed to realize was she was naturally beautiful. Her long brown hair was thick and silky. One could easily get lost in her pale blue eyes. Her lips were full and—if he was going to confess—the softest and sweetest he had kissed. She described her skin as pale but for him, it was flawless and delicate to touch. Without her knowing, she exuded innocence and allure.

Growing up with her, Christian remembered going into a fight with some of his friends in school who made a mistake of making a bet on who could get into Ana's pants first. He was sent to the principal's office and was reprimanded for his action but he never regretted what he did. He would never feel sorry for challenging anyone who would dare to harm her. He was her protector—always had been.

Before he could comprehend what he was doing, Christian already had his fingers running through her strands, stroking them in the lightest possible way.

"Hmmm..." Ana purred.

He smiled, seeing her enjoying his caress. Pleased that she was finally relaxing, Christian continued what he was doing.

He hated that she was suffering because of the baby. He couldn't remember the last time she had been terribly sick. Ana was always healthy. Running and doing yoga with Mia and Kate were her physical exercises. She took care of her body and rarely grumbled about feeling ill.

According to Dr. Greene, morning sickness was completely normal and very common for pregnant women especially during the early stage of their pregnancy. But that didn't make witnessing Ana with her head bowed to the toilet bowl puking her stomach out easier.

The doctor also explained that although morning sickness was temporary and lasted only for the first trimester in most women, there were instances when some women had them all throughout their pregnancy.

Staring at her now looking so frail, Christian prayed that Ana's case was the common one. He couldn't wait for the day when her nausea and vomiting had disappeared. Maybe then she would earn back the pounds she had already lost.

Eyes still closed, Ana whispered softly—almost inaudibly. "Don't make me get used to you being here, Chris. It'll hurt when it ends."

* * *

_To be continued..._

* * *

_A/N: Thank you all! This story is for all of you who appreciate it! _


	5. Chapter 5

Ana fluttered her eyes open—rays of sunlight that peeked through the slats of her window blinds greeted her. Waking up without feeling sick for the first time that week put a smile on her face. Her beam widened when her gaze caught the ginger candies on the nightstand.

Why wasn't she surprised that Christian bought several packs of different brands of them? Did she expect differently from the man who rarely did things half-baked?

At the thought of him, Ana roamed her eyes around her bedroom. She was alone. Christian had probably left when she fell asleep, she presumed. She remembered his fingers stroking her hair and the soothing effect his caress brought her. His graze was gentle—the gentlest he had ever touched her and total opposite of how he did the night they had sex.

Her reminiscing was broken off by a knock on her front door. She left her bed and grabbed her robe, already having an idea on who could be her visitor. Ana hurriedly put it on before she stepped out of her bedroom.

To her shock, Christian was there and had already opened the door.

"H-Hi." Perplexed, the dark haired man on the other side greeted. He clearly wasn't expecting Christian's presence.

"Can I help you?"

"I'm looking for Ana."

"She's still asleep." She heard Christian answered.

"Can you give her this then?"

Before Christian could reply, Ana approached them in fast steps.

"Will!" She excitedly greeted her neighbor from across the hall. "You're finally back! How's your family? And the wedding?" She asked, placing herself between him and Christian.

"Ana," William smiled upon seeing her. "Great. They are great. The wedding was phenomenal." He answered, giving her a quick hug.

Owner of Peterson's—a piano bar located just a 5-minute walk from her place, William Peterson had recently purchased the apartment across from hers. The first day he moved, he knocked on her door and introduced himself. William was 25 and as far as she knew, was single. Although they hadn't known each other that long, they found common ground through music.

It was Ana's casual remark on how she envied those people who could sing during one of their chats that had him volunteered himself to be her vocal coach. As a former music teacher, William made a quick assessment on her singing capacity and confidently concluded that with proper lesson and right amount of practice, her voice would improve.

She didn't mean to engage herself in music lessons and tried to back out before they could begin but he was adamant to share his knowledge with her. William said that since he had been busy with his bar business, he had no time to pursue his passion for teaching. But with Ana showing interest on learning how to sing, he found himself looking forward to teaching her. He was even willing to do it for free, much to her objection.

Since he didn't want any monetary compensation, Ana offered to cook him dinner every night he would come over to her place for the lesson. He easily agreed and thus began their weekly one-on-one training session. Every Wednesday evening, he would come to her place—bringing his guitar with him—and they would practice for an hour. Afterwards, the two would share a meal that Ana cooked or sometimes, Will would order from a restaurant and had them delivered.

Youngest of the five siblings and an only son, he grew up in a tight-knit family. Leaving Florida—the place he was born at and where his parents and four older sisters were still residing—was one of the most challenging decisions he made, he shared with her.

When Ana asked why did he move, his reply was _"Sometimes, it isn't about finding who you are but about finding a place where you can be who you are."_

She found herself respecting and admiring William's spirit and wished she possessed the same courage.

Two weeks ago, he flew home for a much needed vacation and just in time to attend his second sister's wedding. From the schedule he said to her, Ana knew he returned last night.

"I'm about to leave for the office and thought to give this to you now." Will handed over a Norman Love gift bag. "I know you love your sweets."

Ana's smile widened as she took the chocolates from him. "Thanks! I've heard of these and been wanting to try them for some time now."

Feeling Christian took a step closer to her, Ana suddenly remembered his presence. "Oh, I haven't introduced you to Christian yet." She told William.

Ana moved to the side so she wasn't blocking the two men. "Will, this is my friend since childhood, Christian Grey. Chris, this is William Peterson, also a friend. He lives across the hall."

* * *

"You never told me you want that chocolates." He spoke, giving the gift bag in Ana's hand a hard glare.

Christian closed the door, relieved that she finally bid goodbye to her neighbor. He was still irked that the man disturbed her sleep.

She placed the bag on top of the breakfast table and plopped herself on one of the stools. "These? Yeah, a friend from work mentioned this brand and attested they were beyond delicious."

Oblivious to his scowling, she carefully took the 50-piece box out from the bag. Christian watched as her face gleamed in obvious delight at the sight of the uniquely designed chocolates.

"Wow!" She exclaimed and even clapped her hands like a child in a toy store. "Aren't they beautiful?" She asked, turning to him.

He should feel elated that Ana was clearly happy and looking fine after suffering from nausea and vomiting last night but somehow, he was finding it hard to.

Watching her sleep restlessly, Christian was hesitant to leave and decided to keep an eye on her. It wasn't his intention to spend the night in her bed. He tried to ignore the stiffness of his back muscles he obtained from spending Friday evening in a hospital chair but the sight of the empty space beside her drew him. Not wanting to disturb her, Christian eased off from his seat and made his way to lay down with her as carefully as he could.

When she started tossing, his fingers automatically reached for her hair, caressing it once again until she relaxed.

Christian didn't realize he had dozed off and when he woke up at daybreak, he was taken aback to find himself comfortably hugging Ana from behind. She was still asleep with her back pressed against his chest. He had his arm wrapped around her middle and his hand was placed lightly over her belly.

Feeling guilty for thinking he took advantage of her, Christian cautiously pulled himself back. The way he instantly yearned for her warmth when he moved away disconcerted him. Choosing to ignore his confusion, he stood up, stepped out her bedroom and decided to make himself useful by preparing breakfast.

Christian was almost finished with cooking toast when he heard a knock. A man around his age wearing a casual shirt and dark jeans and holding a gift bag came to his view when he opened the door.

Catching Ana's form just as she exited her room made Christian dislike him right away. This man woke her up when she should still be sleeping, he justified to himself. Witnessing Ana's interaction with William—the man's name apparently, only intensified his displeasure.

"Yes, they are." He answered before she could notice his inattention. "Why don't you fix yourself while I continue making breakfast? I made French toast."

Ana gave him a contemplative look. "Are they edible? I don't want to throw up again."

"Very funny, Ms. Steele."

Grinning, she stood up and began striding back to her bedroom. "I try my best, Mr. Grey."

* * *

Newly bathed, Ana returned to the dining area. A plate of French toast with blueberries and freshly sliced strawberries on the side and a glass of milk were put in front of her as soon as she took a seat.

Christian settled himself on the chair beside her with a plate of his own and they started eating quietly.

No longer able to endure the uncomfortable silence, Ana finally spoke. "Spill it, Grey."

Guiltily, he cleared his throat. "This William... how long have you known him?"

"Six months, I believe. He bought Mrs. Franks' apartment seven months ago and made some renovations before he moved in." She easily replied, referring to the older woman who previously owned William's apartment. "He's a good man and from Florida. I didn't realize you two haven't met before now."

With Christian's tight schedule as CEO and his personal time previously spent with Olivia, it was really not unexpected that the two hadn't met sooner. There were instances when Ana was only able to see him at the Grey family dinner. It was understandable and acceptable that as they got older, their priorities changed.

"So, you two are friends?"

Ana rolled her eyes. "Yes, Christian, I have friends outside our circle. It can't be that surprising."

"You know it's not like that." He tried to appease her.

However, his inquiries had already slightly upset her.

Making friends was never her forte. She wasn't Mia who was sociable and pleasant to talk with. Ana wasn't like Kate who was confidently beautiful. And she was definitely not Olivia whose charm always caught the eyes of the many.

There were even instances when Christian had to fight other men for Olivia's attention, she looked back with a heavy heart.

Ana was aware she lacked the self-confidence the three women carried and thought of herself as the ugly duckling of the group. Maybe it was because she knew she didn't belong with them—to their world.

Her family wasn't as rich and powerful as the Grey's, Holloway's nor the Kavanaugh's. Her father was an employee of the Grey's—not that she resented him for it. Ana loved Ray dearly and knew he did his best to provide for her. It was devastating that he was taken so soon. Her mother was a housewife before she had enough and abandoned their family. Ana still didn't have the heart to listen to Carla's explanation as to why she left. Her mother had tried several times to disclose her reasons but she just dismissed them, uninterested. Overall, Ana's life with her parents had been humble, simple and totally different from her friends'.

With Ray dying and Carla leaving, she knew that if it wasn't for the Grey's taking her in and providing everything she needed, Ana wouldn't be able to finish her studies. It was because of Carrick's and Grace's good heart and generosity that she was able to achieve her dreams. It was the reality she always reminded herself with and rose meekness in her.

Her insecurities reigned over her life growing up and only now that she was a lot older did Ana overcome her self-doubt. Meeting and being friends with Hannah and William made her realize that she was just as likable as other people.

"He's gay." She said indifferently.

"He is? Really?"

She belted out a loud laugh at the immediate interest she caught on Christian's face. Tears formed in her eyes from laughing too hard. Ana wiped them dry as she struggled to compose herself.

"I can't believe you fell for that one." She uttered, still stifling her giggles.

Christian shook his head in resignation, one corner of his lips lifted in a smirk.

"Well, to provide you some information, Will isn't gay. Although I don't see anything wrong if he is. He is cute and loves music. He actually owns a piano bar."

Ana wanted to share with him her on-going voice lesson but changed her mind. It was something she wanted to keep for herself for the meantime. Neither Kate nor Mia was even aware of how she spent her Wednesday nights.

"You really are close with him."

She shrugged. "Like I said, he's a good man."

* * *

"Yes, Sullivan. Everything about William Peterson." He said, talking to Barney Sullivan—Head of GEH's I.T. Department.

_"Copy, Mr. Grey." _

"Thank you." Christian ended the call. From the rearview mirror, he caught Taylor's look of disapproval directed at him. "I know."

"I'll tell it anyway, sir. I don't think Ana will appreciate what you are doing." His bodyguard spoke frankly.

Christian knew and comprehended where the older man's protectiveness came from. Like his wife, Taylor also regarded Ana as member of their family.

"I'm doing this for her." He replied, an effort to justify his action.

His bodyguard-driver simply nodded, wordlessly letting him know his try to convince him was futile.

Ignoring Taylor, he turned his gaze to the side and looked at the passing view through the window of his vehicle. Despite how he tried not to think of it, Ana's smiling face while looking at William was all his mind could conjure.

Christian was on his way back to Escala after Ana almost threw him out when he told her he planned on staying with her for the entire day. It appeared to be that she already had enough of his company after learning how and where he spent the night.

He couldn't help but wonder if she would feel the same if he was William. Would Ana kick him out, too?

Christian gritted his teeth, not liking where his mind was going at.

If he was going to be honest, he had nothing against Ana's new friend. Christian believed her when she told him William was a good man. Maybe he was indeed a good man.

What Christian didn't prefer was the familiarity he witnessed between the two. After the misfortune that was Ana's first romantic relationship, William was the first man she allowed herself to become close with again and Christian was afraid to think why.

Having Sullivan probe into someone else's life was one thing Christian had never done before. It was also something he would definitely regret later, he was certain of that.

But after what happened between him and Ana, he had been doing things he didn't think he would ever do either. And the possibility that he was willing to do more if he had to, didn't scare him more than it should have.

It only made Christian realize that he would do anything for her—to hell with the consequences.

* * *

"Are you going to be alright?" Mia asked, her face filled with concern.

From her, Ana's eyes darted toward Kate—whose face carried the same expression.

The three friends were still in the dining room enjoying their desserts while the men had already moved to the family room to watch sports the women didn't care about and Grace was in a phone call inside her office.

Her pregnancy revelation stunned the Grey's as expected. But after overcoming their shock, Christian and Ana received absolute congratulations from each member of the family. Ana was grateful that Christian did almost all the talking. He was outspoken with his statement that regardless how their child came into being, Blip wasn't a mistake. He or she might have been unforeseen but would never be unwelcomed.

"I have to be. It isn't just about me anymore. I have a child growing inside of me to consider and think of now." She answered, her fingers finding her belly in an instant. "It's going to be hard but Blip is going to be my priority from here on."

Kate spoke. "We'll always be here for you and the baby, you know it right?"

Ana smiled. "I know and thank you. You've always been great to me and I know you will, too, to my child."

"My brother may not be the epitome of a perfect man but he is going to be a good father. We all can see it. Blip isn't here yet but I've never seen Christian this protective over someone before." Mia said. "I just wish—"

"Don't." She shook her head, stopping her friend's words. "I know where you're going at. There had been times when I wished for the same thing but I can't make him feel something he doesn't. He cares about me, I'm aware of it, especially now that we're having a baby. But that's just it. I need to be more realistic and know that I can no longer fantasize about him and me being more than what we are now. I love him. Maybe I always will. But at this time, how I feel doesn't matter. My baby is my number one concern and I'll do what I believe what's best for Blip."

"You are going to be a great mother, Ana."

"That's all I hope." She said.

After finding out she was pregnant, Ana swore to be the best mother she could be. With the kind of experience she had with her own, Ana promised to be the mother she needed and yearned when she was a child.

* * *

"Tired?" He asked, glancing at Ana who was sitting drowsily beside him.

The dinner had just ended and Taylor was driving them back to her apartment. Their pregnancy announcement came out successfully well. Not that Christian imagined it wouldn't be. His family—no matter how different their personalities were to each other—was loving and supportive. He couldn't wish for a better family than his own and was thankful that Blip would grow up surrounded and loved by the Grey's.

_ Blip._

When he first heard Ana referred to their child as Blip, he laughed and was hit by a pillow on the head by one very pissed mother-to-be. Even with his sniggering, she was determined to call their child a name people used to call a spot on a radar screen. She was right about it, he thought. _Blip _was a blip. He or she was a tiny little spot.

"Sleepy." Ana leaned her head against the window and closed her eyes.

"Lean on me, Annie."

Before she could refuse—which he was sure she would do, he tenderly held her head and placed it over his shoulder.

"I'll wake you up when we're home." He whispered.

"'kay."

From their position, Christian caught a whiff of her hair—lavender and vanilla. Ana had been using the same shampoo brand for years and he couldn't deny how he enjoyed smelling it on her.

He leaned in closer to her head, letting her scent flood his senses.

Memories of the night they had sex entered his mind. His recollection was still blurry from that night but Christian was sure—even in his drunken state—that it was her whose body was writhing underneath him. It was her who repeatedly cried his name in the throes of passion. He was familiar with her smell—from the fragrance of her hair to the perfume on her skin.

Then how could he call Ana another name?

She trusted him with her body, gave him the one thing she valued all her life and believed he would take care of it—of her. But he didn't. Christian destroyed her faith, caused her immense pain and hurt her in the most unthinkable way.

He was sorry and wished he could erase his mistake. But no matter how much he considered regretting that one night he had her, Christian couldn't. Ana revealed the passion he had no idea existed in him. With her, he had been like a caveman, marking her as if she was his. He covered her with bruises as if he had every right to.

How could he regret that one intense and unforgettable night when they had created more than must just a memory? They conceived a child. He and Ana. Together.

His father and brother were curious about his plan for both him and Ana. It seemed that the two had been aware of Ana's feelings for him for some time now. Although they had been respectful of what went between him and her, Christian had been warned by the Grey men not to do anything that would further hurt the woman who became like a daughter and younger sister to them. Like a father and older brother would, Carrick and Elliot cautioned him to do only what was best for Ana and their baby.

And he would. Ana and the baby deserved nothing but the best.

Closing his eyes, Christian once again breathed in her scent.

_"I will only marry for love." He heard Ana's voice from the dining room. _

_ It was getting late and Christian wanted to ask her if she was ready to go home. He knew she was with Mia and Kate in the dining room so he left his father and brother who were still watching the game and headed toward Ana. He should have made his presence known but his interest was piqued by the conviction he heard in her words. He halted and quietly remained in his position. Hidden just near the doorway, he could hear their conversation but they wouldn't be able to see him._

_"I'm not an expert nor experienced when it comes to relationship. After how things ended between me and David, I can say I'm also not the best decision maker."_

_"Don't mention that guy, please." Christian could hear the venom in Kate's voice._

_"Yeah. We hated him." Mia added with the same hatred._

_He imagined Ana shrugging. "See? Not the best decision maker. I may have failed in my first attempt in relationship but I still believe I'm worthy to love and be loved in return. Idealistic? Maybe. But marrying or even being in a relationship other than because of it is like settling for less. And I don't want to settle for less. I don't deserve it. My baby doesn't deserve it."_

Eavesdropping on Ana was wrong, he was well aware of it. And had she known about it, she would definitely take offense. But Christian wanted to know how she was really feeling.

They might be spending a lot of time together lately but he could feel the distance Ana had started placing between them. An invisible wall had begun erecting, making her out-of-reach to him more than ever. The closeness they once shared before that one fateful night seemed to wane and Christian was helpless to the change.

If Ana was doing it on purpose, he didn't know. Not that he could blame her if she did. Not that he didn't think he deserved it. She was put through so much these few weeks because of him. She might be adamant not to hold him responsible but Christian was feeling otherwise.

The guilt was still there, eating him and it wouldn't simply disappear. The least he could do was make everything easy for Ana. Whatever it would take to make her present condition comfortable, Christian would do it without missing a beat.

She mattered the most.

* * *

She felt him more than she saw him.

It had already been an hour since she bid goodnight to Christian and left him clearing things in her living room. After hearing him say he would leave as soon as he was done, Ana entered her bedroom for a much needed rest.

Today had been tiring. The anticipation of how the Grey's would react to their announcement had drained her emotionally. It was a good thing her nausea was absent the entire day, making her able to consume meals without feeling sick after.

Several minutes later, she found herself wide awake and tossing in her bed, trying to get her body in the right position to sleep.

Ana was lying on her side with her back facing the door when she felt his presence. It was dark in her room but she didn't need the light to know Christian was there. She laid still and closed her eyes, all the while sensing his gaze on her. Wanting him to believe she was already fast asleep, she didn't move an inch and waited for him to leave.

Several seconds passed by and to her surprise, Christian moved toward her bed. Ana felt the foam dipped as he carefully laid behind her. She sensed his indecision while she anticipated with bated breath what he would do next.

When she felt weary in her current position, she shifted her body a little prompting Christian to give her hair a gentle caress. Ana hated how she relaxed almost instantly in his action.

"It's alright." She heard him softly murmured.

It wasn't, she knew that herself and wanted to correct him but as she enjoyed his soft strokes, Ana chose to believe him.

* * *

_To be continued..._

* * *

Author's Note: I hope all of you are good. Thank you.


	6. Chapter 6

She heard the knock on her front door. The sound of her name being called soon followed. Ana wanted to respond. Wanted to tell the person outside that the door was unlocked, that he could enter, but she couldn't. She was standing immobile inside her bathroom, lips frozen. Glued to her spot, she could only stare at the blood smearing the tissue paper in her hand.

It was Wednesday evening and she only got back from work. Since William was scheduled to come over for their weekly vocal lesson, Ana had started cooking dinner for them. She was feeling lucky the past days have been good to her with only the frequent need to visit the bathroom as her latest pregnancy symptom. The nausea and fatigue she had been recently suffering from had somehow subsided which she was thankful for.

Sensing the urge to pee for the nth time that day, she left the kitchen and headed to the bathroom. She was on the bowl and had just wiped her bottom when she noticed something red staining the tissue she was holding. Time seemed to stop for Ana as soon as she realized what that something red was. Blood. She was bleeding.

Bloody tissue still in hand, she stood up and fixed her pants. But those were all she had managed to do before dread overwhelmed her, rooting her to the ground.

"Ana?" The man outside called.

It was William, she recognized.

"Ana?" There was now concern in his voice at her lack of response.

She heard the knob being twisted.

"Your door is open. I'm coming in."

From her spot, Ana could hear the door creaking open. William's footsteps came next.

"Ana?"

He was searching for her. Seconds later, his figure swamped the bathroom doorway.

"Are you okay?"

Her head turned to him and was met by the concern marring his face.

"M-My baby..." She finally managed to speak, unaware that tears were already streaming down her face.

His gaze quickly drifted to what she was holding and understanding unfolded in him. It only took a single step for William to cover the distance between them.

"Hey, it's going to be all right." He spoke in soft tone, an obvious effort to calm her.

"M-My baby... I-I don't want to lose my baby... I-I can't lose him..." There was pleading in her voice, begging her friend to make everything alright for her unborn child.

"Look at me, Ana." William held her cheeks tenderly, catching her teary eyes. "You won't lose your baby. You both will be fine. I'm bringing you to the hospital right now, okay?"

Staring into his brown eyes, she took in a few deep breaths and nodded. His gaze and words held conviction Ana badly yearned at that moment.

* * *

"Your child is perfectly fine, Ana. There he is," Dr. Greene stopped gliding the ultrasound wand over Ana's lower abdomen when she finally located Blip.

The image on the screen paused, showing Ana her baby. Her teary gaze was locked on the black and white form of her child. Blip appeared to be slightly larger than he was five days ago.

"H-He is getting big." The terror she experienced just moments before was still evident in her trembling voice.

"He is." The doctor agreed, giving her a comforting smile.

"I-I thought I lost him. The-There was blood. I-I thought he was gone." Sobs escaped her lips, recalling the horror she felt at the thought of losing her child.

Dr. Greene was fast to reassure her. "Everything is good with your child, Ana. Your concern is normal and understandable. Although spotting or light bleeding is common especially during the early stage of pregnancy, you coming in here to get checked out is a fitting measure."

At the older woman's words, Ana suddenly remembered William who was left sitting in the waiting area. How he managed to bring her to the hospital, she had no idea. She could barely recall getting in his car and him driving them in a hurry. Her mind was occupied only of her unborn child and the belief that she lost him.

She couldn't be more thankful for his presence. Without him arriving in her place at that exact moment, she didn't want to imagine what would have happened.

"Do you want to hear your baby's heartbeat?"

Startled at the offer, Ana spoke. "Heartbeat? I'm only at almost six weeks. I thought we have to wait until I'm at seven."

"Ultrasound at seven weeks is more often recommended because the size of the embryo that time is large enough to give us a clear sound of the fetal heart beating. But if hearing your baby's heartbeat after tonight's incident will help put your mind at ease, I'll gladly do it." Dr. Greene explained.

"I'd love to hear him."

"All right. Let's go listen to him. Try to relax, Ana." Dr. Greene turned the speaker on and once more, glided the wand along her tummy.

Following the doctor's advice, Ana collected herself.

It didn't take long before the sound of a heart beating steadily filled the silence of the room.

"He is okay." She noted in between tears, not waiting for Dr. Greene to tell her. The doctor didn't need to. Ana could hear it in Blip's strong heartbeat. The sound was music to her ears.

Her baby was alright. He wasn't gone. She didn't lose him.

"100 beats per minute. You have one fine baby growing in your tummy."

She couldn't agree more. "Thank you, Dr. Greene."

* * *

After listening to the doctor's advice, she was cleared to go home. Dr. Greene was kind enough to remind Ana that she could call her anytime she had questions or was feeling apprehensive or worried. Ana thanked the older woman multiple times.

As soon as she showed up in the waiting area, William was with her.

"Are you okay? Is your baby okay? What did the doctor tell you?"

Appreciative at his worry, Ana couldn't help but smile. "Yes, everything is perfectly fine. My baby is developing nicely. I even got to hear his heart beating and Dr. Greene was kind to get me a copy." She showed him the CD she was holding.

He breathe out loudly. "Thank God. I'm glad everything is all right. That was frightening."

"Thank you, Will. The way you handled things and assured me really helped." Ana hugged him.

He returned her embrace, enveloping his arms around her. "You scared me, Ana. I have no idea what I was doing. All I know is that I need to bring you here. I need to make sure nothing terrible was happening to you and your baby." He whispered into her hair.

Her hug tightened. "It really was scary. But because of you—because you were there—me and my child are fine."

Giving her one last squeeze, William pulled back. He grabbed her purse from one of the chairs and handed it to her. Ana was thankful he remembered to bring her bag with them.

"Your phone had been ringing consistently. I answered it, I hope you don't mind. It was Christian. I let him know what's going on."

She pulled the gadget out from her purse and saw several missed calls, all from Christian.

"I think it's better if we wait for him. He'll be here any minute now." William added.

She nodded. She was familiar with Christian's attitude, was sure he was worried sick after learning what happened to her and would want to see her the soonest.

Ana sensed William's unspoken question. After everything they went through tonight, she deemed it was only fair to tell him of her condition.

She occupied an empty chair while he took the one on her right.

"You already know this but I'm going to say it anyway." She began. "I'm pregnant. Going on 6 weeks and Christian's the father."

"You don't have to tell me anything, Ana. I admit, it surprised me to learn that fact. I mean, I didn't realize you're seeing someone. And you introduced him as your childhood friend when we met."

She shook her head. "Christian and I...we aren't together. We're having this baby but we aren't exactly..."

Perceptive to the on-going turmoil in her, William placed a hand over hers. "If you think you owe me an explanation, stop. I'm just glad I was there and nothing bad happened."

"Ana?" A familiar voice called her.

* * *

No matter how much he wanted to, Christian couldn't look away at the sight before him. Ana and William were having what he could only perceive as intimate conversation. The dark haired man even had his hand over Ana's—a gesture he considered personal.

Christian never regarded himself as a jealous nor insecure person. The truth was, he couldn't remember a time when he felt this level of possessiveness over someone, not even with his previous relationship. But seeing Ana and William together, he wanted to come over and separate them at once. The urge to make sure the two would remain only as friends—like they presently were—surprised him. He had to compose himself for a second and remember the reason why he was there.

He hadn't seen Ana since yesterday. Tuesday morning, Christian left Seattle for Taiwan to close a deal with a foreign company. He just returned that afternoon, bringing home with him another successful venture for GEH Inc.

He was in his office, finishing his paperworks when Ros, his second-in-command, reported some problems with the merger the company was currently working on. Christian had to call an emergency meeting with some of his employees, cancelling his previous plan to pick Ana up from her work.

He was supposed to surprisingly collect Ana at SIP and bring her to his place for dinner. Stepping inside his residence again was going to be awkward for her—Christian was aware of it—but he wanted her to know that she could treat Escala as her home. Ana was welcome to stop by or stay anytime had she wanted.

Getting her comfortable in his place was Christian's priority. He planned on asking Gail to cook all of Ana's favorites, except for baked salmon which they found out the hard way could now make her stomach upset.

She had never been a picky eater but since getting pregnant, her food aversions had begun. They were still in the process of discovering the meals she now distasted and craved. So far, Christian had salmon and tuna in Ana's food aversions list, and kiwi and coconut in foods she preferred.

Tuning out the discussion of his employees, he grabbed his cellphone and brought out Ana's picture from his phone gallery. Christian took the photo last Monday evening while they were in her apartment. The smile on Ana's face while consuming the kiwi he bought for her was priceless. He didn't realize the simple fruit could give him one of her treasured beams.

Before he could stop himself, Christian lifted one finger and traced it over her smile.

God, he missed her. He had only been gone for two days and one night yet he was already longing for her.

Succumbing to his desire to at least hear Ana's voice, Christian abruptly left the conference room—to the surprise of the people around him—to call her. When his first call went unanswered, he just presumed she was busy doing something in her house and dialed again. But after his eighth unanswered call, uneasiness roused in him.

Sawyer didn't report anything unusual when he picked Ana after work. The man even noticed how she seemed more spirited today, Christian recalled.

Dialing Ana's number for the ninth time, he let out a relief sigh when she finally answered. But his reprieve was short lived when it was a man's voice who responded to him.

_"Hello? Christian?"_

_"Who is this? Why do you have Ana's phone? Where is she?" Christian's tone was hard, demanding answers from the man on the other side of the line._

_"It's William, her neighbor."_

_More questions filled his mind as his worry for Ana grew by the second. "Where is she? I'd like to talk to her."_

_"We're at Virginia Mason. I brought her here to get checked out. She's with her ob-gynecologist right now."_

_For a moment, he had forgotten to breathe. "Why? What happened?"_

Christian ended the call as soon as William answered his queries.

Bleeding. Ana was bleeding.

Barely keeping his panic in check, he called Taylor and asked the older man to quickly drive him to the hospital. Sensing the urgency of the situation, Taylor didn't ask for an explanation and drove him the fastest way he could.

While on the way, Christian intended to call Grace to check on Ana but recalled his mother was currently at a doctor's convention in Boston. He had never felt so helpless in his life. If he thought Ana's hospital visit last Friday was the weakest he had found himself, he spoke too soon. Tonight definitely topped it.

Even before Taylor could completely stop the vehicle in front of the hospital, Christian had already opened his door and climbed out, heading to the entrance and straight to the nurses station. He was pointed to the waiting area where companions of the outpatients could wait.

He immediately spotted Ana sitting in a chair with William by her side. The two looked cozy as they talked.

"Ana?" Christian called her.

Recognizing his voice, she turned to him, stood up and almost ran toward him. On instinct, Christian opened his arms and Ana settled comfortably in them. She laid her head against his chest and he held her as tight as he could, careful not to hurt her. Breathing in her familiar scent, he found himself relaxing just a little.

"C-Chris,"

There was a tug at Christian's heart listening to her breaking down. Every tear she shed was like a knife to his heart. He wished he could take away Ana's sufferings and make everything better for her.

Gently, he stroke her hair with his fingers, all the while knew William's eyes were on them. Christian couldn't care less. A part of him was even glad the other man was there to witness him with Ana.

It was a stupid and childish thought, he chastised himself. He didn't know William's real intention for Ana and if ever the man wanted to be more than a friend, she was free to entertain him had she desired.

Ana was single and could be with anyone she chose to be with. That was one truth that Christian was having a hard time denying. Aside from her beauty, her gentle yet brave heart was also one of the good things she possessed. A woman who didn't have a mean body in her body, any man she would allow to be in her life would find himself the luckiest.

Why thinking of William being that man had Christian's heart constricted in his chest?

He shook the unwelcome thought away and focused his attention back to Ana. She needed him right now and he would be there for her.

* * *

"If you need anything, just let me know."

Ana's eyes roamed around the guest room, taking in her accommodation for the night. If anybody would tell her she would be stepping inside Christian's penthouse once more, she would be more than flabbergasted. After the way she left Escala almost 6 weeks ago, she never imagined she would be back again. Not that she had no intention of showing up there ever. She had. Eventually.

Had she not become pregnant, Ana knew time would come when she would be back at Christian's place. When? How? She had no idea but she knew enough that cutting him out of her life would be next to impossible. Believing he never existed was one thing she couldn't just do. He had become so much more to her whether she admitted it or not.

But as soon as she entered Escala, Ana started doubting her reason for agreeing to Christian's offer to spend the night there. Being at his place brought up memories she wasn't bent on recalling.

"If you got hungry, don't hesitate to tell me so I can prepare you a meal. Or if you prefer, you can ask Gail. I'm sure—"

"Chris, stop." Turning to Christian, Ana saw his discomfort. She was pretty sure her face was mirroring his. She smiled, letting him know how despite the uneasiness brought by their present situation, she was trying to handle it as best as she could. "I'm fine."

When his eyebrows rose at her blatant lie, she felt compelled to tell the truth. "I mean, not right now but I'll be fine. One day. Sooner or later."

Christian raked his hair with his hand, his face turning serious as he addressed the elephant in the room. "Being here again..." He started. "couldn't be easy for you."

Ana remained silent, unable to deny the obvious.

Crossing their distance, he stopped right in front of her and carefully took her hands with his.

She looked down and watched his thumbs smoothly traced the back of her palms—a habit that relaxed her, she told him once before. Ana couldn't believe he remembered.

"I was supposed to pick you up this afternoon and bring you here for dinner. Gail would cook all of your favorites. But sadly, there was some problem in the office I had to oversee. I'm sorry I wasn't there when you needed me."

It wasn't the first time Christian had apologized for his absence. Back at the hospital, she listened as he asked for forgiveness repeatedly and Ana had been adamant in telling him there was no need for his sorries. "Chris,"

"I know it isn't my fault." He stopped her words, already knowing what she would say. "Believe me, I've been convincing myself that. But I hate that I wasn't with you when I should have been. Yes, I'm thankful that William was there. But I was supposed to be the one who was by your side, Annie. Not him."

Ana remained silent, not really knowing what to say to him. She wouldn't admit to him that if been given a choice, she preferred his presence over William's.

It took several seconds before he spoke again. "I want you here and not just for tonight."

The resolve she heard in his statement jolted her. Ana took a step back in surprise, pulling back from his touch. "W-What?"

"Stay here, Annie. This place is more than enough for us. You can have this room. Gail will be there if you need anything."

"What are you trying to say?" Her brows furrowed in confusion. "Do you want me to live here? We're going to be like roommates?"

"Yes. No. I don't know." Christian raked a hand through his hair.

Ana shook her head, finding his suggestion absurd. "You know I can't stay here, Chris. Not while I'm pregnant. Not after our baby is born."

Never imagining she would be stepping foot in Christian's residence again that soon, his proposition was something Ana wouldn't even dare to conceive either. His place was great, far bigger than hers and even nearer to her workplace. Had they been in different circumstances, she would be looking forward to what he was offering. But right now, it would only make things complicated between them and complications were unwarranted in her current condition.

Besides, what if Christian wanted to bring a woman back to his place? He was no saint, Ana could attest to that. He was single and good looking. Christian could attract any woman—had he wanted—even without exerting an effort. Plus, it had already been three months since his last relationship ended. What if he decided to finally move on, forget his heartbreak and see other people? Witnessing him with Olivia for years had been torture enough, Ana didn't need to see him with someone new.

"I know I'm being selfish for wanting you to live with me after everything that transpired in this place. Please don't think that I am belittling you or your capability to take care of yourself and our baby. I... I just want..."

Ana moved closer to him. Raising her hand, she cupped his cheek. "I understand."

She really did. Feeling weak was one of the things Christian loathed. He despised being put in a situation he couldn't control. He might be overbearing for some people. But for Ana, his domineering attitude only paralleled to him being passionate.

He held the hand on his face tightly, intense grey eyes were filled with emotions she couldn't recognize. "You matter to me the most, Annie. You may find it hard to believe but it's true." He confessed. Giving her hand a kiss, Christian's voice was hoarse as he spoke. "You and our child are the most important people to me. I can't imagine if—" He shook his head, not able to continue.

She prayed she wouldn't regret what she was going to say next. "We're good at compromising, want to do it again?" She offered with a smile.

Christian's face lighting up was Ana's highlight of the day.

* * *

Ana woke up at dawn, feeling rested. It was still dark, the sun awaiting to rise. Waking up, she felt confused for a moment before recognizing the room she was in. She was in one of Christian's guest rooms.

After the night she had, she didn't think she would be able to sleep, let alone had a good one. But she did and wasn't surprised of the reason why. The soothing warmth from the man lying behind her—with his arm resting comfortably on her middle—was her answer.

Unbeknownst to Christian, whenever he would enter her room and settle down beside her, she had been restlessly awake and unable to sleep. Ana would lay still and waited until she could feel his presence near her, and only then she would be relaxed enough to succumb to slumber.

From the night she got back from hospital after learning she was carrying Christian's child—except yesterday when he was abroad, he had been sleeping beside her and was leaving only when the sun was due to rise. Ana would wake up alone with his side of the bed already cold.

If Christian was aware that she knew he had been spending the night beside her, Ana couldn't tell. They didn't exactly sit down and discussed about it. It seemed to be an unspoken agreement between them.

It was wrong, she knew it. Getting used to his company that way would only bring pain in the end, she also knew it. But with Christian, somehow, every wrong felt so right.

Ana closed her eyes and pretended she was still asleep when she felt him moved. Moments later, Christian's lips tenderly brushed over her forehead.

"Good morning." He greeted in a whisper.

And with careful movements, he managed to get up and leave the room.

* * *

"Just so you know, if I run to the bathroom to throw up, it isn't because of my pregnancy." She said, glaring at William, who just chuckled in return.

They were in his bar, preparing Ana for her one-song show later that evening.

After spending the night at Christian's, Ana returned to her place and immediately sought out William to apologize. She felt bad leaving him to go home alone after what he did for her while she went with Christian. Her new friend had been understanding but Ana insisted that since she also missed her vocal lesson for that week, William could request anything to her and she would do it without hesitation.

Ana was thinking he would ask her to bake him cookies because he knew she was terrible at baking. Apparently, William had the brightest idea of all. He asked Ana to do a one-song show at his piano bar. He would be playing the piano while she sung. She could pick any song she wanted, he said.

So two weeks later, Ana found herself in William's office, nervous as hell. It was a Friday and the place was packed. Ever since it was built, Peterson's had become the favored den of people who loved great food and music. Easy listening songs were being played while patrons enjoyed the bar's perfectly cooked onion rings and tastiest glazed chicken wings.

"I hate you."

At her words, William laughed. "No, you don't. You don't hate me."

"But—"

"It was you who insisted that I could request anything to you." Still stifling his chuckles, he cut her off. "I just did my part, Ana."

"I'm not a singer, Will."

"You are and trust me, you'll do great."

* * *

"Good evening, everyone. I am William Peterson and welcome to Peterson's." From his seat in front of the piano, William addressed the crowd.

Ana couldn't stop drawing in deep breaths. She tried to calm herself, mindful of the growing baby in her tummy.

"Tonight is a special night because my good friend, Anastasia, is here not only to listen to my performance but also to join me. She will be singing for us in just a few moments." William looked at her, an encouraging smile plastered on his face. "Before she changes her mind, can we all welcome her with a round of applause?"

Chuckles were accompanied by clapping as the people watched her strode toward William. Ana could only hope the shaking of her legs had not been obvious to everyone.

"Are you ready?" He asked, whispering.

Ana nodded before turning to the awaiting audience. The lights directed at them were bright that she couldn't see the people before her. Without being told, she knew it was William's idea to give them extra glow, knowing its effect would help ease her stage-fright. She looked at him. "Thank you."

"Just enjoy yourself, Ana."

The crowd turned silent when William started playing.

Ana slowly breathed in and out, letting the melody of the music sink in.

"I've known you for so long  
You are a friend of mine  
But is this all we'd ever be?"

She thought of Christian.

"I've loved you ever since  
You are a friend of mine  
But babe, is this all we ever could be?"

The hoping, the longing she felt whenever she would look at him.

"You tell me things I've never known  
I've shown you love you've never shown  
But then again, when you cry  
I'm always at your side  
You tell me 'bout the love you've had  
I listen very eagerly  
But deep inside you'll never see  
This feeling of emptiness  
It makes me feel sad  
But then again I'm glad"

She remembered it all;

The day Christian told her he was going to ask Olivia on a date, and Ana wishing him the best of luck, all the while wondering why her heart was aching. She didn't know then—couldn't understand yet—her growing feelings for a friend.

The moment Christian announced over the Grey Sunday family dinner that Olivia had finally agreed to become his girlfriend. It was also the first time Ana had seen him that ecstatic. She smiled as she congratulated him, denying even to herself the breaking of her own heart.

The time when Christian and Olivia decided to buy a house and live together. Ana expressed her support, letting them know she wanted nothing but their success and happiness. She knew then it was only a matter of time before Christian would propose. The couple's engagement was inevitable, something that would happen sooner or later.

While she was truly happy for them, she couldn't deny how her heart shattered. Torn between being the friend Christian and Olivia knew she was and the woman who was in love with somebody who loved somebody else, Ana lived in misery.

"I've known you all my life  
You are a friend of mine  
I know this is how it's gonna be  
I've loved you then and I love you still  
You're a friend of mine  
Now, I know friends are all we ever could be"

She didn't want to be jealous of Olivia. How could she? Christian wasn't Ana's. He wasn't in love with her. Yet, whenever she would see him with Olivia, witness the way his grey eyes were staring at her like she was his entire world, Ana couldn't help but envy the woman.

She loved Christian then. She loved him still. But so much had already happened between them and now, Ana realized it was impossible for them to be more than friends.

Christian and Ana. Theirs was a love story that would only come true in her dreams because in reality, she would always be nothing but a friend to him.

Nothing had changed. She might be carrying his child, feeling his care and support, but she would still and always be just a friend to him.

* * *

_Author's Note: Thank you very much for your favorite/follow/review/private message. The song is Friend of Mine for those who are wondering. Please enjoy._


End file.
